2015 Reflections: I've come a long way!

In thinking about the new year, and everything that is going on in my life right now, I honestly can't believe how far I have come in the last 5 years.

2010 was a HUGE turning point in my life, for many reasons, on many levels.I have learned some really tough, often heartbreaking lessons along the way, but I feel wiser, stronger, better, and more together than any time in my life. Things that used to really upset me, hurt me, and give me heartache no longer matter one iota. THAT is freedom and emotional liberation! 

I can honestly say I am really proud of what I have accomplished in all aspects of my life- what I have learned and the progress I have made. Often I felt discouraged, and it has been very hard work, but I am seeing so many fruits of my labors at this time. It feels REALLY good to be in this place right now. I am so indebted and thankful to all who helped me get here. (THEY know who they are!!!) I am even thankful for those "challenging" individuals who made my life difficult and who hurt me, BECAUSE I overcame and triumphed, IN SPITE OF THEM!

For those who get discouraged and feel like things will never improve/change, BELIEVE ME- they can! Persevere, stay true to yourself, work hard, and ASK FOR HELP! It may not turn out EXACTLY how you once hoped, but you may be pleasantly surprised that it turned out great in spite of what you had initially hoped for! Stay open to changes, DO YOUR HOMEWORK, take chances, and believe in yourself!

Peace in 2015! 

SPRING at last: The end of the winter of my discontent

“Now is the winter of our discontent,
Made glorious summer by this sun of York.”  

                                                    - William Shakespeare   Richard III

I am so over winter. I’ve had it. Done! Each year I hate it more and more. Every year in November, I start giving myself that pre-winter pep talk about improving my attitude and hoping “this year” will be different. It never is!

Top Six things I hate about winter

1. It is dark.  The lack of sunlight makes me crazy, depressed, and bitter. I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and not only does it make me sad, it makes me MAD!

2. It is cold. So shoot me, I can’t stand being cold. I prefer to be warm than cold and I am almost always cold.

3. Hibernation. Since I don’t like the dark and cold, I go into hibernation mode. This is upsetting because I love being outdoors. Sitting in the house all the time is even more depressing. You see where this is going.

4. The clothes. Too many and too bulky.

5. Snow.  I know! I am being virtually booed at this very moment. If you live in D.C. and have to commute, you will understand WHY snow has become so loathsome to so many people. Sure it is pretty to look at, but it isn’t worth the chaos, danger, and misery. 

6. There are no leaves on the trees. This is so depressing. To me, a tree without leaves looks like  dead, lifeless, and like a tree skeleton. 

I suffer from early December through mid March each year, but now I can CELEBRATE and enjoy the next nine months of gloriously warm, sunny, mild weather. I made it!!!

Happy First Day of Spring!!!!

And before you know it, SUMMER will be here!

My Funny Valentine? What's so funny about Valentine's Day?

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I know it is a day loaded with expectations- many unmet, excitement, anticipation, and even DREAD! Valentine's Day is that one day a year when people in love are celebrated with cards, gifts, poems, decorations, candy and songs. 

But let’s start from the beginning. What is this holiday that brings such strong reactions to so many? 

To make a long story short:  

"The 14th of February became a day for all lovers and Valentine became its patron saint. It began to be annually observed by young Romans who offered handwritten greetings of affection, known as Valentines, on this day to the women they admired. With the coming of Christianity, the day came to be known as St. Valentine's Day." - The Holiday Spot

So let’s examine Valentine’s Day and see where it went wrong.

Early Childhood:

Remember when you were a kid, and your class made those red construction paper valentine hearts with the white lace doily edge? That was really FUN! And don’t forget the candy and heart-shaped confections. Valentine’s Day was a great holiday to break up the nasty weather of February. Then things started to get complicated.

The Teen Years:

Once you hit puberty, Valentine’s Day became a bit more drama-rific. There were Valentine’s Day dances, cards, heart-shaped necklaces, boxes of chocolates, secret admirers, flowers and candy grams from pimple-faced young suitors. It was exciting and a little scary. Valentine’s Day was still fun.

The Grown Up Years:

Now is where the “Funny” completely leaves Valentine’s Day and it is a serious business indeed. The song, “My FunnyValentine”, by Rodgers and Hart, is anything but funny. It is actually a melancholy tune, and I can’t detect anything humorous about it. It reminds me of the “darker” side of Valentine’s Day- the broken hearts, the lost loves, the dashed dreams, and rejection. Hardly the right anthem for a day dedicated to lovers. 

For years I dreaded Valentine’s Day. Secretly, I hated it. February 14^th taunted me and seemed to be that one day a year where I hated being single. 364 days a year, I was fine with it and actually enjoyed my independence and freedom, but on that day I felt very lonely.

There are such conflicting messages about Valentine’s Day. On the one hand, there is the group (mainly singles) who will preach about how artificial, meaningless, banal, and forced Valentine’s Day is, and will give eloquent speeches about the marvels of the empowering and independent single life. They hate on it mightily, and try to bring it down. Hey, I was one of those people once, and there is no reason to pretend that attitude doesn’t exist. 

On the other hand, there are those (mainly couples in love) who want to revel in the ooey, gooey, lovey dovey side of the day. This group unwittingly drives the stake into the hearts of the first group and may make them feel even worse about the day, because as we all know- misery loves company. If you don’t have a special someone in your life to share the day with, it is hard to be happy and excited for people who do. That’s just human nature.

Now the third group are those people who fall somewhere in between. They are either couples who just don’t “feel” the need to celebrate their love or relationship in the middle of February. Also, there are single people who have lots of fun celebrating the IDEA of LOVE without having to be in a relationship with one special person. Hey, whatever works! 

Personally, after spending many, many Valentine’s Days alone, some of them happier than others; I am ecstatic to have my husband to share it with. He’s not as enraptured with it as I am, but bears the strain as a testament to his love for me.

Valentine’s Day is like many holidays, you feel some of them more than others. Some people LOVE Halloween, others- not so much. The most important thing to remember is not to get completely wrapped up in something that only happens one day a year. 

So my advice to single people, please don’t hate on Valentine’s Day! No reason to have angst and misery on February 14^th, and begrudge those who enjoy the day feel it isn’t a nice holiday. Single people can enjoy Valentine’s Day, or they can just ignore it.

My advice for couples- once a year you have a day designated especially for people in love, so why waste a great chance to make your special someone feel loved and appreciated by making Valentine’s Day really nice. Oh, and that doesn’t mean the rest of the year you don’t have to do nice things for your sweetheart. 

So for all who love- HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! Enjoy it with someone special, even if that person is you!

Less really is more: The holidays should be much more than buying, giving, and receiving things

And now the holiday season is upon us and the hustle and bustle of activity is in full swing. There is tons of shopping for gifts, food, and planning the preparations for family, friends, and company events. Amid all the errands, cleaning, planning, and preparation, take a moment and try to remember from a child’s eye what the holidays are all about.

  It’s that time of year again where we buy all kinds of things that no one really needs and spend way too much money trying to show people how much we like/love them with material possessions. Okay, now everyone thinks I am a Grinch or a Scrooge, but it is quite the opposite. I am all about giving gifts; I just think the focus needs to shift. Remember the wonder and magic of the holidays from the eyes of your inner child.

If you are over the age of 40, you probably have very different memories than those of you who are under 40. Technology and our insane focus on consumerism have truly changed the whole holiday experience, for better or worse.  When I was a child, we had to actually GO to a movie theater. There weren’t VCRs or DVD players. We listened to records and later- cassettes or 8 track tapes. (And now is when I am starting to feel about a thousand years old.)

The advent of internet shopping and the pressure to buy more and more and more has put an often overwhelming focus on materialism that can drown the message of the season; and it can make a person nostalgic for a simpler time  before the advent of video games, cell phones, and very expensive electronic toys for kids of all ages came on the scene.

One of my greatest childhood memories of Christmas was the anticipation and wonder of waiting to open gifts on Christmas morning, and then when we got older we would open them on Christmas Eve. As a child, and even a teenager, there were no gizmos and gadgets. Gifts were pretty simple and straight-forward- a bike, a doll house, puzzles, board games, jewelry, clothes. And my parents had to actually go to a store and buy those things! They didn’t have the convenience of shopping online and having things sent to our doorstep.

Some Christmas gifts I can remember receiving were:

 

§  Beautiful dolls and stuffed animals, which were often sent from my grandparents in Germany

§  Christmas ornaments for the tree- we got our own special ones each year

§  A new coat

§  Board games, which we would all play together after Christmas

§  Art supplies

§  A Kodak camera (with film!)

§  Posters and other decorations for my bedroom

 

Even when my own children were growing up, mercifully the digital and electronic universe had not quite yet exploded. They didn’t get cell phones until they were in their late teens, so for most of their childhood they were getting regular toys.

Every year I feel more and more discouraged by the expense and “trap” of the commercial and consumer-driven focus on the holidays. It isn’t just Christmas; it is Hanukkah and even agnostics, non-affiliated, or atheists who engage in a secular gift-giving celebration of the season. We may not all believe in the same God, but we certainly all worship the same materialism.

 

 

It seems that we have started to equate our feelings for someone with what we give them for the holidays. Whatever happened to showing people you care for them with simple gestures, kindnesses, thoughtful and meaningful tokens of appreciation? Why does it matter if it is the latest, greatest, most expensive gizmo or gadget? Is that REALLY what the season of giving is all about?

Instead of spending money on objects, how about giving of one’s time and actually spending time together? The holidays should be less about THINGS, and more about showing feelings and creating happy memories apart from material objects. I think the idea of spending time and making gifts that have special meaning is one of the greatest things someone can do. And if you aren’t very creative or able to think of something, what about performing a kindness or a service for someone you love. Who wouldn’t love to have help painting or doing yard work, especially if you enjoy spending time with that person.

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy giving and receiving gifts. I just wish it wasn’t so overdone and that there wasn’t so much pressure. I love handmade gifts that are unique and from the heart so much more than the store-bought things. Most of us are fortunate enough to have our basic needs covered already. Gifts are usually things we don’t NEED and some are even things we don’t really want.

How often do you go to a charitable drop off place and see all the unloved or unwanted gifts that people turn around and donate. That is a good thing for the needy, but wouldn’t it have been better if the person giving the gift in the first place would have given something more from the heart. I think we already have so much “stuff” in our lives that true appreciation is almost impossible.

I think it would benefit most families to get back to basics and try to find ways to spend less money and focus more on spending time together DOING things and finding ways to be creative and unique with their gift-giving.

For the love of dog: It’s the size of the heart that matters

WARNING:  This post may overwhelm you with sappy, sugary, sweetness. I unapologetically state that I will gush and brag and proclaim all kinds of sweet love for my little pooch. If you aren’t a dog lover, this post is NOT for you. Keep moving on and read some of my other posts.

I love my dog!  I mean, I really, really love him. His name is Angus, and he is my little, eight pound bundle of miniature poodle sweetness. He is the smallest dog I’ve ever had, as the other dogs in my life, two German Shepherds and a mixed breed, were giants compared to this little dynamo. 

I used to love the big breeds. They just appealed to me because of their physical presence and noble look. I had a few amazing dogs- smart, sweet, and very protective. But five years after the last one passed away, I decided I needed a change. I decided to go with a small dog, one that was easier, more portable, and required less maintenance.

I certainly wasn’t aware of how much personality, exuberance, and joie de vivre a little dog can bring to a family! Maybe it is because my children are now grown and this little guy is so affectionate and adoring!! Sometimes I feel like he will burst with love for all of us. He has such a great temperament- never fussy, grouchy, or unhappy, and has connected with us in a way I have never experienced. My previous dogs were all very obedient and sweet- but Angus is by far the sweetest little fellow, and we just adore him. Pound for pound, he really gives an incredible amount of love and positive energy!

Often people will make judgments and assumptions about you when they hear what size or breed of dog you own. People, who have small dogs, or purse dogs, must be stuck up or snobby. OR they assume people who own big dogs are trying to prove something or are seeking to intimidate.

While there may be some truth to those stereotypes, and when I was one of those “big dog” people I thought little dogs were rather pointless and prissy, I now know that I was very wrong and I am more than happy to admit it. My dog is not prissy or pointless at all. And he is, by the way, an excellent watch dog.

The fantastic thing about having the great universe of different types of dog is it gives people so many options and choices when making a selection. The decision to bring a dog into a family is a big one. It is important to know how a dog will impact your home life and how it is a commitment that will last many, many, years. Being a responsible and thoughtful owner is an enormous responsibility - emotionally and physically, and is not something to be done without careful consideration and planning.

Many people are afraid of, or intimidated by, large dogs- so small dogs are perfect for them. Others find large dogs to be a better physical and psychological fit for their lifestyle or family situation, and there are plenty of choices for them.

Regardless of their size or breed, dogs can bring indescribable happiness and love to a family. If you’ve never experienced it, you’ve truly missed out on one of the greatest relationships imaginable.

Having owned large dogs for so many years, it was a transition and adjustment to get used to living with a little guy. At first, I was terrified I would step on him! But now that I have had him for almost two years, our anniversary is 31 October; I can say that I am thrilled by the experience.  

 

Angus is energetic, but not hyper, and while his bark is rather shrill (this is the one and only thing I would have opted out of) it is a small price to pay for all the other great things about him. And remember; don’t judge a dog, or a book, by its size. Don’t assume you know the full story by how big or small it is.

In defense of the smaller breed- first of all, small dogs are so much easier in many important ways. The best part is that they take up far less real estate. I am amazed by how I once managed three kids and TWO big dogs- but in those days, the house was chaotic and rambunctious anyway, so it was “the more the merrier!”  

 Now that I am older, and far less rambunctious, I am enjoying a dog who doesn’t take up as much space in my small house. The second, and possibly greatest, thing about a miniature poodle is that he doesn’t shed. That is a huge bonus for those who find dog hair bothersome.

 

And finally, for the first time in my life, I now sleep with a dog on the bed. I would not have considered this if he was a breed that shed, and I never had my German Shepherds sleep with me because there would have been no room at all. Luckily, in this case, it is a perfect fit- small dog, no hair! A win- win situation.

At night, Angus is very well-behaved and doesn’t ever disrupt my sleep. If anything, he is cuddly and considerate, and it is actually very enjoyable having him next to me.

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The other day, my four year old granddaughter- who lives with us with my daughter- was holding Angus on her lap. She clutched him tightly and proclaimed, “Angus, I love you. You’re my best friend.”  I dare you not to have a lump in your throat imagining that tender scene.  And Angus just looked back at her adoringly, even though she was holding him very tightly, and licked her little face. I think about the two of them, growing up together, and how in the past two years they have truly become the best of friends.

While he may not have the same presence as my German Shepherds as a watch dog or the ability to command the same kind of respect from people on the street- he is as loyal and loving and sweet as any beloved dog I’ve ever owned.

Angus brings something to our family that is simple and universal. It is pure LOVE, without motives or agendas. He loves us unconditionally and completely and is never ashamed to show it or too tired or grumpy or distracted to make us feel it. He trusts us and looks to us for approval, affection, companionship, and guidance. WE know we are the most important thing in his little world, and that is a truly amazing feeling, and what having a dog is all about.

Did I mention how much I LOVE MY DOG?