The company we keep: The impact of people and things we surround ourselves with

Wilfred Peterson said it best- “Walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground. Let their spirit ignite a fire within you to leave this world better than when you found it...”

In case you hadn’t noticed, time is a precious and fleeting thing. There are only so many days left in our lives, and wasting them on people or pursuits that bring nothing positive to our lives is the ultimate waste of time and energy.

Every day you hear cynical lamentations on how unfair the world is, and I won’t argue that it isn’t.  The Serenity Prayer is brilliant because it reminds us that certain things can be changed, but others cannot. Having the wisdom to know the difference is what gives us the serenity needed to go on. One of the most critical changes a person may need to make is who they choose to spend their precious time with.

Consider “who, what, and where” we are spending our precious days and nights. I firmly believe the people we surround ourselves with, the places we go, and the things we do, define who we are. For better, or for worse. As Peterson so poignantly said in his quote, walking with people who enrich and uplift us makes it possible for us to leave this world a better place. If we surround ourselves with people or pursuits that bring us down, or stuck in one place, what hope can we have to bring ourselves, or anyone else, up?

If anyone believes people won’t be judged by their friends and associates, they are in for a huge shock. People will always assume you are like-minded if you spend your time with negative, hateful, narrow-minded people. And why shouldn’t they? If all your associates are people who love sports, of course it makes sense to believe that you love sports too. And while it is an assumption, it is one that is based on strong and conclusive evidence. 

To that point, if you are a person who associates with scholars, academics, students, and learned people, it is a very strong indication that you are also an intelligent person who values learning and knowledge. Consider people who are in groups that adhere to certain codes and ethics, like the U.S.military, The Boy Scouts of America, or Doctors without Borders. Then consider people who are in groups that espouse anti-social values- gangs and organized crime. Those are extreme examples, but there are other groups and organizations that will cause people to judge and make conclusions on a person’s choices and values. It is important to understand how those choices can impact success and image. 

Most people will have diverse friends and groups in their lives. Fortunate people will have a wide and eclectic blend of associates who meet the different needs for a variety of interests. I believe the most successful people surround themselves with people who bring a positive outlook, useful solutions, and thoughtful opinions to the table. Choosing to only spend time with people who aren’t as smart, or motivated, or funny as we are may make us feel good about ourselves, but they aren’t challenging us to be better.

A fragile ego, or a lazy attitude may make us feel safe and in control when we choose friends who aren’t as successful as we are. We really don’t improve unless we reach higher and increase expectations of ourselves, and our associates. Nothing is as sad and boring as a group of people who have known each other for years, and are STILL talking about the same people, things, and events they’ve been talking about for the past 10-20 years!

Surrounding oneself with mindless sycophants is missing a great opportunity for growth and introspection. The best and most helpful friend is one who will tell you when you have stepped beyond reason, and ground you in reality. The best friend is one who praises in public and criticizes in private. 

Young people often fail to understand how important it is to surround themselves with friends and mentors who challenge their views and give them pause to reflect. Immature individuals lack the ability to see themselves as they truly are, and work to improve and grow.

Spending energy on and maintaining relationships with, people who bring us down- both morally and intellectually- is perhaps the greatest reason for failure. If a person limits their sphere of interaction based on their self-image and ideal, they are cheating themselves of true wisdom. 

Learning from mistakes can be the best way to really understand life. But, making the same mistakes over and over again is the surest way to lose hope for lasting success. Time is the limiting factor. If you spend your time learning the same lessons again and again, you have lost valuable time to learn new lessons. The same is true with the people we surround ourselves with. Do they only bring problems to the relationship? Are they reciprocal in their duties as friend or co-worker? Are they truly beneficial to our wellness? How do they help us improve, or are they an impediment to our own growth or success? These are questions to ask and determine. Far too many people are brought down by people in their lives who wallow in ignorance, arrogance, a lack of integrity.

I have learned the hard way, so I can say with assurance, if you surround yourself with people who lack integrity, honesty, or kindness it will reflect on you and inevitably influence your behavior and choices. Sometimes, the only way to have a better life is to remove those people, or activities, that are bringing you down.

It can be painful, lonely, and sad to lose people who have been a part of one’s life for years. Growth means leaving behind things that no longer fit us. True maturity means being able to honestly assess the value of relationships and habits. It hurts to grow and change.

Surround yourself with people who inspire and uplift. No one is perfect, and perfection is hardly a reasonable measure to aspire to. I have learned important lessons from some very bad people, but the greatest lessons of my life were learned from good, decent, caring, and intelligent people who gave me knowledge and a thirst for more! Don’t cheat yourself out of success by refusing to uplift yourself and surround your life with people who challenge and inspire you to do bigger and better!

My DNA surprise: A journey of genetic self-discovery

Last year I started watching a show on NBC called, “Who Do You Think You Are?” which highlighted real-life stories of celebrities tracing their roots through a DNA test. I was intrigued. So much so, that about six weeks ago, I purchased a do-it-yourself kit from Ancestry.com. You may wonder how involved it is, because I was very curious. It’s actually very simple. You put some of your saliva into a little vial, and ship it off in a special pouch with a control number on it. 

Needless to say, it was very exciting, even though I was pretty sure, or so I thought, what the results would yield. My ethnic/cultural background seemed clear. My father is Cuban, my mother is German. They both came to the United States in the late 1950s. My father said as far as he knew his ethnic background was from Spain and the Canary Islands.

My mother said her family was German, with the slim possibility of some Scandinavian. In my opinion, nothing very exotic or diverse. I had thought perhaps there was something else, so the idea of the test was very intriguing. Little did I know how surprising it would turn out. But I am not there quite yet. Patience, I’m getting there!

So I ordered the test, which took a few weeks to arrive. I opened the test the day it arrived, submitted the sample, and rushed to the post office so that it would go out that very day. Now the hard part! The wait!!!! In the meantime, I started to compile my family tree on the Ancestry website. Not an easy task for a first generation American with little access to family documents from the “mother lands” at my disposal. My father’s family tree is especially challenging, as the government of Cuba is not exactly in the modern age right now and few, if any, people are registered on the Ancestry.com site. 

In the meantime, I was dreaming and wondering about what might turn up. I had visions of finding out something really amazing, like links to a culture we hadn’t imagined. Perhaps my father’s line had Middle Eastern blood. That would be kind of cool. My mother’s last name is Ullmann, which in Germany has some Jewish ties. Maybe I was part Jewish! That would be pretty cool, and unexpected. So many possibilities! What if I were part Asian, or African? It was like a genetic lottery, and I was wondering what I was about to win!!! But the waiting was so hard.

And then it came. The email with the results and the answer to the puzzle. But wait? What? How can this be??? 

Okay, I won’t make you wait any longer. Here is what I saw.

About your ethnicity

Your genetic ethnicity reveals where your ancestors lived hundreds—perhaps even thousands—of years ago. This may update over time as new genetic signatures are discovered.

It was truly astonishing and unexpected. From what this test is telling me, my mother is NOT Germanic. Surprising, to say the least. I wonder how I am going to break this to my relatives. And then I started thinking about how place of birth, your country of origin, and your cultural identity often have absolutely nothing to do with your DNA.

Living in the U.S. it is easy for a person to rely on place of birth as the indicator of a person’s ethnicity because we are a melting pot of races, religion, cultures, and ethnic groups. Most people self-describe by their race, but there is more to the story.

Because I am part Cuban, I self-describe as Latino or Hispanic. There is no Latino or Hispanic race. The word, “Hispanic” is defined by one source as ‘A Spanish-speaking person living in the U.S., especially one of Latin American descent.’ Another source is much more involved- ‘the term as a broad catch all to refer to persons with a historical and cultural relationship either with Spain and Portugal or only with Spain, regardless of race. However, in the eyes of the U.S. Census Bureau, Hispanics or Latinos can be of any race, any ancestry, or any country of origin.’  Confusing, isn't it.

The DNA test confirmed what I suspected on my father’s side.

 46% Southern European. That means:

Modern Day Location

Italy, Spain, Portugal

About Your Region

If you had to choose one region of Europe that has wielded the most influence over the course of western history, a strong candidate would be the land of your ancestors—an area that includes modern day Italy, Spain, and Portugal.

Migrations into this region

Southern Europe shares a substantial amount of genetic affinity with North Africa. This is mostly because the Iberian Peninsula was conquered by Moorish (Berber) invaders, from present-day Morocco, in about 711 C.E. Their legacy can still be seen in Spain and Portugal, ranging up to 15% in some individuals.

Migrations from this region

During the Last Glacial Period, beginning about 21,000 years ago, glaciers and windswept tundra made much of northern and central Europe uninhabitable. Populations retreated into the southern glacial refugia of Spain and Italy. Then as the climate warmed, these Mesolithic people expanded out of southern Europe to occupy the entire continent, as far north as present-day Finland. The south-to-north pattern of genetic differences in Europe is attributed to this post-glacial expansion. Additionally, Iberia was the historic source of migration into the Americas. Populations throughout the Caribbean, Latin America, southern USA and South America can trace their lineages back to Spain and Portugal, usually through their paternal side.

My German side seemed easier. Or so I thought. As it turns out, the DNA from my mother’s side is 21% “Uncertain.”

This means 21% of my segments, that are used in the ethnicity results, match more than one of their reference groups; but none of those matches are high enough to cross whatever threshold they are using to assigning segments to a particular ethnicity. Got all that? 

Other than that, my DNA results say  27% British Isles and 6% Finnish-Volga Ural. 

SHOCKER! Completely unsuspected. You can hardly imagine my dismay.

About British Isles Ethnicity

Modern Day Location

England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales

About Your Region

You're from North-Western Europe, an area including the modern-day United Kingdom and Ireland. It is a group of islands separated from France and the rest of continental Europe by the narrow English Channel. It is the rolling, emerald-green hills of Ireland, the craggy, weathered peaks of Wales, the rich history of the city on the Thames, and the deep, mysterious lochs of Scotland.

The history of the region is one of periodic invasions and settlements by various groups including the Angles and Saxons from Germany, the Jutes from Denmark, the Vikings, the Normans from northern France and, of course, the Romans. English, a Germanic language brought by the Angles, is obviously the primary language spoken. But a few of the older languages spoken by the ancient Celts still exist—a rarity in post-Roman Europe.

Migrations into this region

Despite being a cluster of islands separated from continental Europe, Great Britain and Ireland haven’t been insulated from outsiders. Although they weren’t the first, the Celts from central Europe spread throughout the Northwest Isles about 2500 years ago. Then, as with everywhere else, the Romans came. After the Romans withdrew from the area, tribes from northern Germany and Denmark (the Angles, Saxons and Jutes) came to conquer much of what is now England. About this same time, the mighty Vikings also left their imprint, particularly in southern Scotland, Ireland and western England.

Migrations from this region

Religious and political upheaval in 17th and 18th century England played a critical role in establishing and defining early American history. Called the Great Migration, religious dissidents including the Pilgrims, Quakers, and Puritans left England seeking religious freedom and a new way of life. Although the migration was not large in overall numbers, it laid the foundation for American culture, including the concepts of church-state separation and religious tolerance.

About Finnish/Volga-Ural Ethnicity

Modern Day Location

Russia, Finland

About Your Region

You have a genetic signature that is found in people of far northeastern Europe, which includes modern-day Finland and western Russia. The region includes the broad Volga River basin, its eastern boundary being the Ural mountains, generally considered the border between the European and Asian continents. Like most of Europe, it is a region of diverse ethnic and linguistic groups. Bordering the Baltic Sea, it has a long, entangled history with Scandinavia, while the vast Eurasian steppe to the south has brought many waves of invaders and settlers including Huns, Turks, and Mongolians.

It is believed that around six thousand years ago the people of the Pontic Steppe domesticated the horse. Archeological evidence includes ancient burial grounds containing elaborate jewelry depicting horses as well as horse bones found buried with chariots. Horses were then introduced to the Middle East and Europe and revolutionized for both pastoral culture and warfare.

The Finnic and Ugric tribes of the far north are some of the most ancient inhabitants of the region. Many modern-day languages such as Finnish, Estonian, Hungarian, and Erzya and Moksha, spoken by the Mordvins of the Volga region, are part of a common Uralic language group. Nomadic tribes of Turkic origin, such as the Khazars, Chuvash, and Bulgars arrived from central and eastern Asia and settled the region. In the Middle Ages, Mongol tribes, including the Golden Horde, controlled the southern areas and Slavic tribes from eastern Europe began expanding north and east into the Volga region.

Although it's disputed, historical accounts claim that several of these Slavic tribes were ruled by a group of Vikings known as the Varangians. The rulers became culturally assimilated with their subjects and this Slavic people began to be called the Rus, with major trade centers in Novgorod and Kiev. Eventually, they would form the foundation of the state of Russia.

Finland has been politically controlled by Sweden and Russia throughout much of its medieval and recent history, but was briefly captured by Germany in World War I. After Germany's defeat, the Finns were able to declare independence.

Migrations from this region

There are linguistic and genetic similarities between the people of northeastern Europe and the Volga-Ural peoples suggesting movement of people from this region to Europe. Sometime within the last 12,000 years there appears to be a migration from the Volga-Ural area towards the Baltic and Scandinavian Peninsula. About 2,000-3,000 years ago, the ancestors of Magyars migrated from the Ural Mountains toward present-day Hungary. Though they contributed their unique language to the region, their genetic impact may have been small.

Migrations into this region

After the last glacial period 15,000 years ago, populations expanded among the Ural steppes and mountains as ice and tundra retreated. Around the beginning of the thirteenth century, Mongolian nomads associated with the descendants of Genghis Khan began to conquer local tribes and take control of the Volga-Ural region as part of their Mongolian empire. Then about 500 years ago, Slavic Russians from eastern Europe conquered the Volga River Basin, followed by the Ural Mountains.

Isn't it funny how you think you know something about yourself and it turns out to be very different? So what does it mean? I’m still skeptical. It’s hard to believe something you've believed all your life is suddenly different. It’s kind of like finding out you were adopted. I've always believed I was “German” and now I realize that genetically I am not. My mother may identify as German, but genetically speaking, she really isn't  I don’t have the heart to tell her. I don’t think she would believe it anyway.

The DNA test I took was a very inexpensive and rudimentary one. I don’t know if I am English, Irish, Scottish, or Welsh. I don’t know what part of Spain, Italy, or Portugal. Genetics aren't about land or property borders. It is much more basic. There are genetic markers which give an indication of a place in the world where my ancestors originated. Some people are skeptical about the tests, but I heard this one was reliable.

So are we nature or nurture? I think we are a combination of all factors. We are an accumulation of our family of origin, our nation of origin, our religion, our race, our environment, and our own personality. There is a great deal more to what we are than our genes or where we live. It is a magical and mystical combination of it all!

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