My Funny Valentine? What's so funny about Valentine's Day?

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I know it is a day loaded with expectations- many unmet, excitement, anticipation, and even DREAD! Valentine's Day is that one day a year when people in love are celebrated with cards, gifts, poems, decorations, candy and songs. 

But let’s start from the beginning. What is this holiday that brings such strong reactions to so many? 

To make a long story short:  

"The 14th of February became a day for all lovers and Valentine became its patron saint. It began to be annually observed by young Romans who offered handwritten greetings of affection, known as Valentines, on this day to the women they admired. With the coming of Christianity, the day came to be known as St. Valentine's Day." - The Holiday Spot

So let’s examine Valentine’s Day and see where it went wrong.

Early Childhood:

Remember when you were a kid, and your class made those red construction paper valentine hearts with the white lace doily edge? That was really FUN! And don’t forget the candy and heart-shaped confections. Valentine’s Day was a great holiday to break up the nasty weather of February. Then things started to get complicated.

The Teen Years:

Once you hit puberty, Valentine’s Day became a bit more drama-rific. There were Valentine’s Day dances, cards, heart-shaped necklaces, boxes of chocolates, secret admirers, flowers and candy grams from pimple-faced young suitors. It was exciting and a little scary. Valentine’s Day was still fun.

The Grown Up Years:

Now is where the “Funny” completely leaves Valentine’s Day and it is a serious business indeed. The song, “My FunnyValentine”, by Rodgers and Hart, is anything but funny. It is actually a melancholy tune, and I can’t detect anything humorous about it. It reminds me of the “darker” side of Valentine’s Day- the broken hearts, the lost loves, the dashed dreams, and rejection. Hardly the right anthem for a day dedicated to lovers. 

For years I dreaded Valentine’s Day. Secretly, I hated it. February 14^th taunted me and seemed to be that one day a year where I hated being single. 364 days a year, I was fine with it and actually enjoyed my independence and freedom, but on that day I felt very lonely.

There are such conflicting messages about Valentine’s Day. On the one hand, there is the group (mainly singles) who will preach about how artificial, meaningless, banal, and forced Valentine’s Day is, and will give eloquent speeches about the marvels of the empowering and independent single life. They hate on it mightily, and try to bring it down. Hey, I was one of those people once, and there is no reason to pretend that attitude doesn’t exist. 

On the other hand, there are those (mainly couples in love) who want to revel in the ooey, gooey, lovey dovey side of the day. This group unwittingly drives the stake into the hearts of the first group and may make them feel even worse about the day, because as we all know- misery loves company. If you don’t have a special someone in your life to share the day with, it is hard to be happy and excited for people who do. That’s just human nature.

Now the third group are those people who fall somewhere in between. They are either couples who just don’t “feel” the need to celebrate their love or relationship in the middle of February. Also, there are single people who have lots of fun celebrating the IDEA of LOVE without having to be in a relationship with one special person. Hey, whatever works! 

Personally, after spending many, many Valentine’s Days alone, some of them happier than others; I am ecstatic to have my husband to share it with. He’s not as enraptured with it as I am, but bears the strain as a testament to his love for me.

Valentine’s Day is like many holidays, you feel some of them more than others. Some people LOVE Halloween, others- not so much. The most important thing to remember is not to get completely wrapped up in something that only happens one day a year. 

So my advice to single people, please don’t hate on Valentine’s Day! No reason to have angst and misery on February 14^th, and begrudge those who enjoy the day feel it isn’t a nice holiday. Single people can enjoy Valentine’s Day, or they can just ignore it.

My advice for couples- once a year you have a day designated especially for people in love, so why waste a great chance to make your special someone feel loved and appreciated by making Valentine’s Day really nice. Oh, and that doesn’t mean the rest of the year you don’t have to do nice things for your sweetheart. 

So for all who love- HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! Enjoy it with someone special, even if that person is you!

Times long past: New Year’s Eve and the value of reflection

“Auld Lang Syne” is the song everyone recognizes, but doesn’t quite understand. The words aren’t really as important as the title, which translates from Scottish as “Old days long ago”, or “times long past”- depending on your source.  

And the words of the song we sing here in the U.S.:

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne?

Chorus:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
And surely you’ll buy your pint cup
and surely I’ll buy mine!
And we’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

There is also a song by Dan Fogelberg called “Same Old Lang Syne” which is quite stirring. Dan’s song talks about lost love and reflection on things that might have been, and never will be. That is very apropos because more than any other night of the year, New Year’s Eve is a great time to reflect on the past, and then to put it aside at the stroke of midnight.

New Year’s Eve brings up powerful emotions and memories for me, some very sad and some very happy.

Consider New Year’s Eve 1979, when I was pregnant with my first son, and was about to give birth. He was born a few days later on 3 January 1980.

Or New Year’s Eve 1985, my beloved grandmother passed away from cancer.

And coming full circle, I got engaged to my husband, David, on New Year’s Eve 2010.

For the most part, my New Year’s Eves have been pretty uneventful. I am not a night owl and I can’t even remember how many times I was in bed and asleep before midnight.

As a child, my parents (two die-hard night owls) would have great festivities for my sister and me, and any other guests they might have invited. My mother always prepared a beautiful meal, usually a standing rib roast with all the trimmings, and we would stay up until midnight. At the stroke of midnight, we had some interesting rituals.

As I have mentioned before, my father is from Cuba, and it seems that in Cuba, at the stroke of midnight, one throws a bucket of water out the front door to bring in the new year. Also, we all had to eat twelve grapes, one for each month of the New Year. That sounds great except they almost always had seeds in them.

I have always loved New Year’s Eve because it signals endings, quickly followed by beginnings. It is an opportunity to reflect on things that happened and to gather the lessons learned to begin anew.

Reflection is critical to growth. The past year may have been filled with mistakes, disappointments, upsets, and hurts. There may also have been triumphs, joy, good fortune, and improvements. Probably there was a combination of both. The value of reflection is in gathering the knowledge and insights that were gained from the experiences of the past 12 months and to apply them to the next 12.

Tonight, I will be savoring the lessons, experiences, adventures, and memories of 2012. I will reflect upon what happened and extract the goodness. I will also reflect on all that I am grateful for and the many, many, blessings in my life.

 I will think of all my loved ones who are no longer here, and I will then think of and say a prayer for my beloved family and friends. But I am ever mindful of tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day and a brand new year. Let’s hope, for all of our sakes, it is a VERY GOOD new year.

I wish each and every one of you all the best in 2013. May your year be filled with wonder, good health, joy, and wisdom.

Less really is more: The holidays should be much more than buying, giving, and receiving things

And now the holiday season is upon us and the hustle and bustle of activity is in full swing. There is tons of shopping for gifts, food, and planning the preparations for family, friends, and company events. Amid all the errands, cleaning, planning, and preparation, take a moment and try to remember from a child’s eye what the holidays are all about.

  It’s that time of year again where we buy all kinds of things that no one really needs and spend way too much money trying to show people how much we like/love them with material possessions. Okay, now everyone thinks I am a Grinch or a Scrooge, but it is quite the opposite. I am all about giving gifts; I just think the focus needs to shift. Remember the wonder and magic of the holidays from the eyes of your inner child.

If you are over the age of 40, you probably have very different memories than those of you who are under 40. Technology and our insane focus on consumerism have truly changed the whole holiday experience, for better or worse.  When I was a child, we had to actually GO to a movie theater. There weren’t VCRs or DVD players. We listened to records and later- cassettes or 8 track tapes. (And now is when I am starting to feel about a thousand years old.)

The advent of internet shopping and the pressure to buy more and more and more has put an often overwhelming focus on materialism that can drown the message of the season; and it can make a person nostalgic for a simpler time  before the advent of video games, cell phones, and very expensive electronic toys for kids of all ages came on the scene.

One of my greatest childhood memories of Christmas was the anticipation and wonder of waiting to open gifts on Christmas morning, and then when we got older we would open them on Christmas Eve. As a child, and even a teenager, there were no gizmos and gadgets. Gifts were pretty simple and straight-forward- a bike, a doll house, puzzles, board games, jewelry, clothes. And my parents had to actually go to a store and buy those things! They didn’t have the convenience of shopping online and having things sent to our doorstep.

Some Christmas gifts I can remember receiving were:

 

§  Beautiful dolls and stuffed animals, which were often sent from my grandparents in Germany

§  Christmas ornaments for the tree- we got our own special ones each year

§  A new coat

§  Board games, which we would all play together after Christmas

§  Art supplies

§  A Kodak camera (with film!)

§  Posters and other decorations for my bedroom

 

Even when my own children were growing up, mercifully the digital and electronic universe had not quite yet exploded. They didn’t get cell phones until they were in their late teens, so for most of their childhood they were getting regular toys.

Every year I feel more and more discouraged by the expense and “trap” of the commercial and consumer-driven focus on the holidays. It isn’t just Christmas; it is Hanukkah and even agnostics, non-affiliated, or atheists who engage in a secular gift-giving celebration of the season. We may not all believe in the same God, but we certainly all worship the same materialism.

 

 

It seems that we have started to equate our feelings for someone with what we give them for the holidays. Whatever happened to showing people you care for them with simple gestures, kindnesses, thoughtful and meaningful tokens of appreciation? Why does it matter if it is the latest, greatest, most expensive gizmo or gadget? Is that REALLY what the season of giving is all about?

Instead of spending money on objects, how about giving of one’s time and actually spending time together? The holidays should be less about THINGS, and more about showing feelings and creating happy memories apart from material objects. I think the idea of spending time and making gifts that have special meaning is one of the greatest things someone can do. And if you aren’t very creative or able to think of something, what about performing a kindness or a service for someone you love. Who wouldn’t love to have help painting or doing yard work, especially if you enjoy spending time with that person.

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy giving and receiving gifts. I just wish it wasn’t so overdone and that there wasn’t so much pressure. I love handmade gifts that are unique and from the heart so much more than the store-bought things. Most of us are fortunate enough to have our basic needs covered already. Gifts are usually things we don’t NEED and some are even things we don’t really want.

How often do you go to a charitable drop off place and see all the unloved or unwanted gifts that people turn around and donate. That is a good thing for the needy, but wouldn’t it have been better if the person giving the gift in the first place would have given something more from the heart. I think we already have so much “stuff” in our lives that true appreciation is almost impossible.

I think it would benefit most families to get back to basics and try to find ways to spend less money and focus more on spending time together DOING things and finding ways to be creative and unique with their gift-giving.

Tis’ the season – alcohol, the holidays, and a fresh new start

Yes, tis’ the season to be jolly, festive, merry and full of holiday spirit and cheer. But why does it seem that holiday “spirit and cheer” must be alcohol-related? More and more I get the feeling that without alcohol, a great number of people are unable to enjoy social gatherings of any kind. Have we reached a point where fun and joy must include drinking alcohol?

At this time of year there are abundant holiday parties, open houses and family gatherings, and with them- much pressure to drink, and over- drink, which is a nice way to say “drunk”.  There is so much pressure to drink, it seems inconceivable to many that there are many of us out there who manage just fine without partaking. As a matter of fact, we may be having the most fun of all in our sobriety.

Many years ago, I came to the realization that alcohol brought nothing positive to my life or relationships, and I made the decision to live a sober life. I have never regretted that decision. Before that epiphany, I too used to enjoy drinking at social gatherings and holiday outings. Due to some serious life-changing events and thought-provoking situations, I came to understand that for many people, alcohol is not something that will ever bring great tidings of comfort and joy, at any time of year.

I am not trying to be a downer during this time of great rejoicing and holiday festivities. I am only seeking to offer an alternative lifestyle choice that could change people’s lives and the lives of their loved ones forever. Many who read this may realize that they could give themselves, and the people in their lives, the greatest gift of all- a life of thoughtful sobriety and a healthier way of living.

I urge everyone to look introspectively and really assess what part alcohol is playing in their lives and how it is affecting their home life, relationships, professional careers, and health- both physical and mental.  

The truth is, you don’t have to drink alcohol to be the life of the party, and more importantly, you don’t have to drink alcohol to function in your everyday life. If you find that you have lost the ability to make that choice, and you are drinking to self-medicate or get through life, I humbly and compassionately urge you to please get help. There are so many resources and organizations to choose from. It may not be easy, but I promise that the pay-off will be worth it. Take it one day at a time, don’t be afraid to ask for help, and make 2012 a new start and beginning.

So without judgment or self-righteousness, I implore everyone to take some time to consider an option you may not have realized, or may have been too afraid to face. A life of sobriety is something to consider. I wish you peace and joy during the season of renewal and hope.

A related article to consider- http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/2011/11/20-things-you-notice-when-youre-not-drinking