Ingratitude: Sharper than a serpent’s tooth, indeed

THANK YOU.  Two simple words, less than ten letters, but capable of producing powerful emotions and deep meaning when communicated. This leads to my question- why is “Thank You” such a difficult concept for many people?

It is truly mind boggling to see how many times a day people will miss an opportunity, or moment, to express their thanks for kindnesses or generosity shown to them by others. Ungrateful people are their own worst enemy. Sadly, they learn too late that being unappreciative and ungrateful is a surefire way to get less from people, and life in general.

We all feel unappreciated by our friends, co-workers, and loved ones from time to time. In our busy lives, we can become overwhelmed or distracted, to the point of forgetting or neglecting to thank people when they do kind or thoughtful things for us. It becomes an issue and a nuisance when certain people in our lives exhibit a consistent and pervasive inability to show gratitude, appreciation, thanks or recognition.

So why is it so difficult? Are ungrateful people oblivious or stingy? Does showing gratitude cost anything spiritually or burn a calorie? I wonder about this all the time in my own life and when I see it happening to others.

Gratitude, thankfulness, gratefulness, or appreciation is a feeling, emotion or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive. The experience of gratitude has historically been a focus of several world religions, and has been considered extensively by moral philosophers.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

What causes people to be ungrateful? Is it low self worth, or a unhealthy sense of entitlement? Is gratitude taught, or is it a natural occurrence? Does the ability to feel thankful and exhibit appreciation come from a higher sense of maturity, intelligence, or character? Why are some people either unable or unwilling to show gratitude or appreciation?

The older I get the less patience I have for anyone who thinks they are above saying those two simple "magic" words - “THANK YOU”.  Even my four year old granddaughter knows she should say "Thank You" when someone gives her something or does something for her. Children should be taught from a very young age to show appreciation and have proper manners. There is simply no excuse for anyone not to do so anytime they receive a kindness. 

 If a person has a grateful spirit, it comes very naturally. Selfish and self-absorbed people live in a world that revolves around the pursuit of their own happiness and satisfaction. They either haven't been taught proper manners or they are too self-absorbed to exercise them.

I suppose being lost in an attitude of entitlement can prevent a person from being aware of the importance of expressing gratitude, or basic civility, for something they received from another. Perhaps entitlement gives some people the feeling that they don’t have to be grateful because they are owed something from the world, and everyone in it. That attitude will hinder most people sooner or later, as the people around them tire of catering to them without gratitude or the slightest hint of thanks.

In the workplace, expression of appreciation or gratitude is often viewed as unnecessary by co-workers or superiors. I think it is critical to show and articulate thanks to anyone who gives assistance or support in any aspect of life, to include places of employment.

Ingratitude surely is one of the most destructive and harmful of all emotions or attitudes. There aren’t many situations that can hurt or anger as much as showing someone a kindness, or doing something thoughtful, with little or no acknowledgement given in return. Feeling hurt and deep frustration is just the tip of the resentment iceberg when being on the receiving end of ingratitude.

Attempting to have a relationship with a person who seldom or never shows gratitude is discouraging, demoralizing, and pointless.  The best way to deal with an ingrate is to accept that their actions are usually “not personal”. Most chronically ungrateful people are equal-opportunity ingrates. They are simply unaware or unconscious of the feeling of gratitude.

Here are some descriptive words which correspond to a lack of gratitude:  inconsiderate, unkind, uncaring, selfish, insensitive, tactless, rude, impolite, careless, heedless, reckless, negligent, unthinking, inattentive, foolish, stupid, absent-minded.

thank·less  (th ngk l s)

adj.

1. Not feeling or showing gratitude; ungrateful

2. Not likely to be appreciated

Once an ungrateful person has established a consistent pattern, there are choices to be made. Accepting a person for how they are and losing any expectation of appreciation is certainly a choice one could consider. Another choice would be to communicate feelings of disappointment, and hope that the situation may be remedied. A third option is to keep a distance from the person until such time that they either get the clue and open their eyes, OR lastly, withdraw any further generosity or kindness from them.

Repeatedly giving of one's time, energy, gifts, or favors is truly pointless if they are never acknowledge or reciprocated. Having a generous and giving nature shouldn't be taken advantage of by selfish or thankless individuals. Removing expectation and releasing resentment is an important part of healing the hurt that a chronically ungrateful person can trigger.

Showing and expressing thanks is more than courtesy or good manners. Expressing gratitude towards others for things they have done, or given, or sacrificed, is a defining quality of character. Individuals who consistently lack appreciation, or express thanks, show a weakness of character that is often a lifelong problem. Accepting something from another, without giving an acknowledgement of thankfulness or appreciation, is beyond poor manners.

In conclusion, we all need to be more diligent, aware and conscious of the expressions of gratitude for others, or the lack thereof, in our lives. Neglecting to show appreciation and thanks for kindnesses and thoughtfulness people bring to our lives- no matter how small- is unkind, petty, and selfish. The key is to be aware and act accordingly. Choosing to do otherwise can bring very unpleasant consequences, and may lead to a life of exclusion and loneliness.

“Most people return small favors, acknowledge medium ones and repay great ones - with ingratitude.” - Benjamin Franklin

Cultivating a grateful spirit and attitude is a worthy pursuit

"A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues."  - Cicero

Thanksgiving should be much more than a day when families gather together to eat and watch football. Thanksgiving is an important opportunity and a chance for all Americans to take an inventory of the things each family should be thankful for, as individuals and as a nation.

"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many-not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some."  - Charles Dickens

Here is a list of twenty important things families can contemplate and be thankful for on Thanksgiving:

1. Good health- Being in possession of good health should never be taken for granted. Good health is a blessing at any age.

2. Family members- Each family member should be appreciated for their own special gifts and unique place within the family.

3. A Home- Having a home is a basic need in every person’s life. Be it ever so humble, there truly is no place like home- whether it is a one room shack or an opulent mansion. Especially in this economy, where so many people have lost their homes, it is important to realize how much of a blessing a home is, and how easy it can be to lose one.

4. Freedom- Being born into a democracy where people have free speech, human rights and the right to vote is truly something to be thankful for every day. Living in a free country is a gift that people have given their lives for. Gratitude for freedom is something to teach young children, who don’t know any other kind of life than a free society.

5. Our Military and their families- It is very important to remember the men and women who defend our freedoms and our way of life. They are all over the world, often away from their loved ones. Their families sacrifice for our freedoms too.

6. A job- Considering the current state of the economy and unemployment all over the nation, a job is truly something to be thankful for. When a person loves their job, it is even more of a blessing.

7. A happy marriage/relationship- So many people take their spouse or significant other for granted. Thanksgiving is a time to think of how precious the gift of a loving partner can be.

8. Good friends- Truly good, loyal, and constant friends are one of the greatest treasures in life. Acquaintances, co-workers, or casual friendships are not the same as a true-blue friend. Their value is immense.

9. Enough food to eat- Thanksgiving is a holiday which for many, is filled with good food and bountiful meals. It is an important time of year to remember those who are less fortunate and to show thanks by sharing with those who have none.

10. Religious/Spiritual faith- For many people, faith is a gift which sustains and nurtures them in a way that nothing else can. If a person has faith, it is a blessing which should be acknowledged on Thanksgiving.

11. A Car- Having the ability to get from here to there is something many people take for granted. For those who do not have one, it can make life very complicated.

12. Clean Water- Anyone who has lived in most of the United States all of their lives probably can’t imagine not having clean, drinkable, water. Sadly, in a great number of people in the world do not have it. It is truly a blessing on many levels.

13. Free education for all citizens- An education is critical to attain many of the other blessings and opportunities available in our country. Many places in the world do not provide a solid, free, education to everyone.

14. Good roads and a well-functioning infrastructure- Most Americans would be shocked to know how terrible the roads and infrastructures are in other nations. We are truly blessed to live in a nation that has running water, reliable electricity and sewage systems which are cared for and maintained.

15. Tolerance- By and large, Americans are tolerant and accepting. It is the cornerstone of our democracy. Thanksgiving is a good time to contemplate and be thankful for the accepting and welcoming spirit of tolerance of others- regardless of: gender, race, culture, religion, sexual orientation or any other differences.

16. Honesty and integrity- Living in a country where most institutions and government are honest and fair is a true blessing. There are many places in the world where people are routinely cheated and abused. They have few protections from corruption and have no one to advocate for them.

17. Value of the individual- There are places in the world where the individual has no value, rights or standing. To live in a nation where we have rights as an individual, as well as part of the collective, is something to truly be thankful for.

18. Appreciation for literature, art and culture- Our society has a great love of all types of artistic, creative and beautiful expressions. Americans are blessed to have access to such enriching activities.

19. Peace of mind- A true blessing. If a person is able to find peace of mind in their life, they have discovered one of the greatest things life has to offer.

20. Abundance- Having an abundance of food, clothing, and other worldly goods is something to be very thankful for. There are many who want for the most basic needs and if a person is fortunate to have abundance, it is a duty to share with those who do not.

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."  -  John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"Gratitude is the most exquisite form of courtesy."  - Jacques Maritain

In addition to these twenty- each family should strive to make their own list each year for the things which they feel most grateful.

(This post was taken from an article I wrote a few years ago-  http://www.examiner.com/adult-children-in-washington-dc/twenty-things-to-be-thankful-for-at-thanksgiving )

The power of positive thoughts and deeds can change your life

One should never underestimate the miracles that can occur if and when you change your attitude or actions in a positive direction. While positive changes must begin within ourselves, they also reach out and affect that which surrounds us as well.

When I talk about the power of positive thoughts and deeds, I am not attempting to sell some “pie-in-the-sky” platitudes or cute little catch phrases. I am talking about the very hard work it can take to adjust our ways of thinking and acting, and a dedication to improving life and making a real difference.

As positive change begins with the ways in which we think, feel, interact, speak and treat ourselves and others, we become more productive, positive and successful in all areas of life. Our personal life, our professional life and everyone we touch in those spheres will feel the shift in our attitude, demeanor and actions. EVERYONE WINS. We become better friends, spouses, parents, siblings, co-workers and citizens. We become more mature and more aware of others and ourselves, and this attitude can bring positive change in return.

"The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude." - William James

When a change toward a more positive life occurs, we are able to work through frustrating and painful situations and difficulties with less of the weight that negativity and other toxic feelings, attitudes and emotions have to bring us down. Embracing positivity helps us to avoid situations and individuals that bring us down as they continue to wade in the cesspool of jealousy, laziness, regret, anger, bitterness or ignorance.

Most people never realize how fortunate they are to have the chance to choose to live life in a different way than they did yesterday.

Sometimes it is hard to see beyond one’s own immediate circumstances and pain, but this can’t be an excuse to give up or indulge harmful, hurtful, or destructive ways of thinking and acting. It helps no one and hurts everyone. The pervasive negativity bleeds over into ever corner of society and the world. It starts in the home where those who should be loving one another the most, lash out and hurt family members. This creates a cycle of pain and can affect generations of people. If only they could love and appreciate and see the positive aspects of their own lives more completely, the change could take place towards a happier, healthier family life.

It is possible to change negative and harmful thoughts and actions. It begins with a decision and a commitment. Even those individuals who are bound by the unimaginably difficult circumstances, either physically, mentally or geographically challenged; the immense power of positive thought can make all the difference in life. Imagine the hardships that many individuals endure daily with pain, loss, fear, dread or terrible suffering. Although they may not be able to change the actual circumstances or situation, what is possible is to change their outlook and attitude.

Think of how much better the world would be if every individual were to try to double their positive thoughts and actions. Think of what a difference it would make in the lives of those who are most vulnerable- children, people with disabilities, the elderly, the poor.

If tomorrow there were less self-absorbed thoughts and actions, less negativity and pettiness, less bitter or spiteful thoughts and actions and more positive and giving attitudes, situations would change for the better and people would lead much happier, healthier and productive lives.

Tomorrow is a new day, a new beginning, a new chance to live life in a more positive way. It begins with me and it begins with you.