How I survived the Mayan Apocalypse and all I got was this lousy calendar

According to lots and lots of content on the internet and television, some long-dead Mayans supposedly said that the world would end tomorrow, 21 December, 2012. If that’s the case, this may be the last blog post I ever write. I guess I better make it memorable.

But wait, not so fast. I have some news, doomsday devotees. The Mayans may have been very good at many things, but predicting the end of time- not so much.

Is it the end of the world as we know it? Really, who actually believes that the world will end because some ancient Mayans said so thousands of years ago? Apparently a lot more than you would ever have imagined. Seriously. There are people all over the world who have been in a panic for the last few weeks. Some people just can’t resist a juicy conspiracy theory, a cryptic apocalyptic prediction, or the rants of some religious zealot. I suppose those people are either really weak-minded or perhaps they are extremely bored and want some excitement to spice up their dreary lives. I just don’t understand the allure of it all.

Here is what I want to ask those people- Since when did Mayans become experts in prediction? What else do they have to show for their expertise? Excuse me, but isn’t their civilization, uh, extinct? And to be very blunt, if they knew so much, where are they now?

Incredibly, it seems that people all over the world are losing sleep, and their minds, over the “impending doom” and prediction of our collective demise. But the details are a little shady and sketchy.

Before we throw the Mayans under the bus and accuse them of predicting our universal demise, let’s get the story straight. According to a segment on NPR, the Mayan prediction has been played up by the media and is completely wrong and erroneously reported.

Maya expert, Professor David Stuart, of University of Texas at Austin, told NPR, "The Maya never, ever, said anything about the world ending at any time — much less this year. So, it's sort of bizarre to be living through this time right now, when so many people seem to be worked up."

And worked up they have been- for a few years!! So now, Dr. Stuart tells us that there is ANOTHER date predicted. Come on! And why should I believe the Mayans anyway? Look what happened to them. Perhaps if they had been smarter about predicting their own demise, I might have more faith in their predictions.

To be fair, the Mayans aren’t the only ones who have predictions about the end of time. Remember that lunatic Christian guy who said the Rapture was coming; and then it didn’t so he had to recalibrate the date; and then it didn’t happen- AGAIN. Well, he blew his credibility, but it was too late for the hundreds of people who believed him and gave away all of their earthly possessions. ***crickets***   I know. It’s pitiful. For some more apocalyptic stories, check these out- http://www.npr.org/templates/archives/archive.php?thingId=132629051

I guess the long and short of it is that NO ONE truly knows when the world will end. It is baffling to me that people are so intrigued and obsessed with something that is almost entirely out of their control. For goodness sake, worry about the things you CAN control in life and do something about them. Getting wrapped up and actually feeling anxious about something so completely unknowable and without real evidence is, well, a little bit - looking for a nicer word – unstable and childish.

 So chill out, enjoy the final days of 2012, but stop fretting about zombie apocalypses, predictions from ancient civilizations, or doomsday prophets who tell you to sell all your stuff.  The end is NOT nigh. Enjoy being alive for another day and for as many days as you have left!!  If all else fails, STAY CALM and avoid Mayans.

Less really is more: The holidays should be much more than buying, giving, and receiving things

And now the holiday season is upon us and the hustle and bustle of activity is in full swing. There is tons of shopping for gifts, food, and planning the preparations for family, friends, and company events. Amid all the errands, cleaning, planning, and preparation, take a moment and try to remember from a child’s eye what the holidays are all about.

  It’s that time of year again where we buy all kinds of things that no one really needs and spend way too much money trying to show people how much we like/love them with material possessions. Okay, now everyone thinks I am a Grinch or a Scrooge, but it is quite the opposite. I am all about giving gifts; I just think the focus needs to shift. Remember the wonder and magic of the holidays from the eyes of your inner child.

If you are over the age of 40, you probably have very different memories than those of you who are under 40. Technology and our insane focus on consumerism have truly changed the whole holiday experience, for better or worse.  When I was a child, we had to actually GO to a movie theater. There weren’t VCRs or DVD players. We listened to records and later- cassettes or 8 track tapes. (And now is when I am starting to feel about a thousand years old.)

The advent of internet shopping and the pressure to buy more and more and more has put an often overwhelming focus on materialism that can drown the message of the season; and it can make a person nostalgic for a simpler time  before the advent of video games, cell phones, and very expensive electronic toys for kids of all ages came on the scene.

One of my greatest childhood memories of Christmas was the anticipation and wonder of waiting to open gifts on Christmas morning, and then when we got older we would open them on Christmas Eve. As a child, and even a teenager, there were no gizmos and gadgets. Gifts were pretty simple and straight-forward- a bike, a doll house, puzzles, board games, jewelry, clothes. And my parents had to actually go to a store and buy those things! They didn’t have the convenience of shopping online and having things sent to our doorstep.

Some Christmas gifts I can remember receiving were:

 

§  Beautiful dolls and stuffed animals, which were often sent from my grandparents in Germany

§  Christmas ornaments for the tree- we got our own special ones each year

§  A new coat

§  Board games, which we would all play together after Christmas

§  Art supplies

§  A Kodak camera (with film!)

§  Posters and other decorations for my bedroom

 

Even when my own children were growing up, mercifully the digital and electronic universe had not quite yet exploded. They didn’t get cell phones until they were in their late teens, so for most of their childhood they were getting regular toys.

Every year I feel more and more discouraged by the expense and “trap” of the commercial and consumer-driven focus on the holidays. It isn’t just Christmas; it is Hanukkah and even agnostics, non-affiliated, or atheists who engage in a secular gift-giving celebration of the season. We may not all believe in the same God, but we certainly all worship the same materialism.

 

 

It seems that we have started to equate our feelings for someone with what we give them for the holidays. Whatever happened to showing people you care for them with simple gestures, kindnesses, thoughtful and meaningful tokens of appreciation? Why does it matter if it is the latest, greatest, most expensive gizmo or gadget? Is that REALLY what the season of giving is all about?

Instead of spending money on objects, how about giving of one’s time and actually spending time together? The holidays should be less about THINGS, and more about showing feelings and creating happy memories apart from material objects. I think the idea of spending time and making gifts that have special meaning is one of the greatest things someone can do. And if you aren’t very creative or able to think of something, what about performing a kindness or a service for someone you love. Who wouldn’t love to have help painting or doing yard work, especially if you enjoy spending time with that person.

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy giving and receiving gifts. I just wish it wasn’t so overdone and that there wasn’t so much pressure. I love handmade gifts that are unique and from the heart so much more than the store-bought things. Most of us are fortunate enough to have our basic needs covered already. Gifts are usually things we don’t NEED and some are even things we don’t really want.

How often do you go to a charitable drop off place and see all the unloved or unwanted gifts that people turn around and donate. That is a good thing for the needy, but wouldn’t it have been better if the person giving the gift in the first place would have given something more from the heart. I think we already have so much “stuff” in our lives that true appreciation is almost impossible.

I think it would benefit most families to get back to basics and try to find ways to spend less money and focus more on spending time together DOING things and finding ways to be creative and unique with their gift-giving.

Detachment is not indifference, it is freedom

The past two years have been a steep personal growth point for me- a VERY STEEP growth point. I have come to understand many things about myself and the world around me. I have learned some very tough and difficult lessons about my life, the people who truly matter most in my life, and sadly, some who never did nor will. It hasn’t been easy, but it has allowed me to become a better person in every aspect of my life.

Detachment has a great deal to do with the growth I have experienced. Detachment from unhealthy thoughts, feelings, people, and activities has freed up my mind, heart, and time to explore and know a world of wonder. It took many years and a great deal of soul-searching and introspection to get where I am. Once I got it, I REALLY got it! Detachment is an amazing thing! So this is what real freedom feels like!

What is detachment?

Detachment is the:

* Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves

* Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational

* Giving another person "the space" to be herself

* Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people

* Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing

* Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life

* Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence

* Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering

* Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling

* Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life

* Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point

* Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them

* Ability to allow people to be who they "really are" rather than who you "want them to be"

* Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you

-  from the Livestrong website

Detachment has given me a sense of peace and allowed me to release hurt and disappointment. It isn’t a deadening or denial of feelings. It is actually quite the opposite!

Detachment has cleared the way for me to remove myself from people and things that were holding me back, or drawing me into situations of drama and unhealthy and unbalanced relationships and situations. It was affecting my professional, as well as, my personal life. It’s okay that I can’t “FIX “everything and everyone around me. And on the flip side, I respect their right to their own way of feeling and acting. It isn’t my job to worry about everyone and every situation. It is my job to worry about my own actions and choices.

For many years, I was too trusting and accepting for my own good. I wanted to see things that either didn’t exist or I imagined possibility where there was none. I am a naturally optimistic person, but I have learned the hard way that there are going to be relationships and situations where people are just not going to understand, accept, like, appreciate or love me. And that is okay!  It is up to me to LOVE MYSELF.

   I found that I was emotionally investing in people I should not have.  I was allowing myself to be hurt over and over again. And for what? For whom? Really!!! WHY was I doing that to myself? I finally had that “AHA” moment and understood it was up to ME to finally realize that I can’t change others, I can only change myself. Establishing emotional boundaries was one of the greatest steps I have ever taken to get to the place of peace and happiness I have finally attained.

If others want to engage in "dramarific" and petty games because they are emotionally or intellectually incapable of having healthy relationships, so be it. I am not signing on for those kind of relationships anymore.
I wasted too many years of my life on situations/friendships/ relationships/people  that either wouldn’t or couldn’t give me the respect or consideration I deserved. It wasn’t up to me to FIX every situation! 
 
It has taken nearly all of my life to get here, but it was worth every minute. WhileI wish I could have gotten here sooner, the truly important thing is that I made it.

And of course there are still situations and people which cause me to feel negative feelings, emotions, and distress. I am only human. But I find these situations become less frequent and less powerful with each passing day.

It feels good to be in control of myself, my actions, my life and my choices without having to obsess or worry about those things in others.

Tis’ the season – alcohol, the holidays, and a fresh new start

Yes, tis’ the season to be jolly, festive, merry and full of holiday spirit and cheer. But why does it seem that holiday “spirit and cheer” must be alcohol-related? More and more I get the feeling that without alcohol, a great number of people are unable to enjoy social gatherings of any kind. Have we reached a point where fun and joy must include drinking alcohol?

At this time of year there are abundant holiday parties, open houses and family gatherings, and with them- much pressure to drink, and over- drink, which is a nice way to say “drunk”.  There is so much pressure to drink, it seems inconceivable to many that there are many of us out there who manage just fine without partaking. As a matter of fact, we may be having the most fun of all in our sobriety.

Many years ago, I came to the realization that alcohol brought nothing positive to my life or relationships, and I made the decision to live a sober life. I have never regretted that decision. Before that epiphany, I too used to enjoy drinking at social gatherings and holiday outings. Due to some serious life-changing events and thought-provoking situations, I came to understand that for many people, alcohol is not something that will ever bring great tidings of comfort and joy, at any time of year.

I am not trying to be a downer during this time of great rejoicing and holiday festivities. I am only seeking to offer an alternative lifestyle choice that could change people’s lives and the lives of their loved ones forever. Many who read this may realize that they could give themselves, and the people in their lives, the greatest gift of all- a life of thoughtful sobriety and a healthier way of living.

I urge everyone to look introspectively and really assess what part alcohol is playing in their lives and how it is affecting their home life, relationships, professional careers, and health- both physical and mental.  

The truth is, you don’t have to drink alcohol to be the life of the party, and more importantly, you don’t have to drink alcohol to function in your everyday life. If you find that you have lost the ability to make that choice, and you are drinking to self-medicate or get through life, I humbly and compassionately urge you to please get help. There are so many resources and organizations to choose from. It may not be easy, but I promise that the pay-off will be worth it. Take it one day at a time, don’t be afraid to ask for help, and make 2012 a new start and beginning.

So without judgment or self-righteousness, I implore everyone to take some time to consider an option you may not have realized, or may have been too afraid to face. A life of sobriety is something to consider. I wish you peace and joy during the season of renewal and hope.

A related article to consider- http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/2011/11/20-things-you-notice-when-youre-not-drinking

When memories keep us stuck in the past, we can't enjoy the present

 “You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. “ – Henry David Thoreau

When I am driving in my car and I look in my rear view mirror, I often think of Lot's wife. I know that may seem odd, but I have a great deal in common with "Mrs. Lot". (Whose name, for extra points, was Ado or Edith). 

I am not a particularly biblical person, despite my many years of Catholic school training, but I have always been fascinated with the story. Poor Edith was turned to a pillar of salt because she looked back. I understand she did so after being warned not to, but it is so easy to become hypnotized by what is behind us and so difficult to move forward. I know I have an unfortunate tendency to ruminate on sad memories or past misfortunes. It isn't that I enjoy torturing myself or being unhappy, far from it. I am an extremely upbeat and positive person... most of the time. But the siren's song of thinking of the past, and replaying those terrible memories like old newsreels can become a near compulsion at times.

I am an extremely analytical person. This is a blessing and a curse. Blessing because I can sort through problems and situations and come up with thorough and productive answers to questions, problems, and situations. I enjoy the challenge of working through the task, doing my research and knocking it out. The problem is that in my private life, I do this to a fault. I

an·a·lyze 

verb (used with object), -lyzed, -lyz·ing.

1.

to separate (a material or abstract entity) into constituent parts or elements; determine the elements or essential features of ( opposed to synthesize): to analyze an argument.

2.

to examine critically, so as to bring out the essential elements or give the essence of: to analyze a poem.

3.

to examine carefully and in detail so as to identify causes, key factors, possible results, etc.

4.

to subject to mathematical, chemical, grammatical, etc., analysis.

5.

to psychoanalyze: a patient who has been analyzed by two therapists.

Sounds great, doesn't it? Or does it? Perhaps for intellectual pursuits or a job, but too much analysis in one's personal life is a path to pain and depression.

Living happily and serenely in the present moment is a discipline I aspire to every day. I cherish the memories I have made through the years, but looking back too much, as Edith- Lot's wife, discovered is perilous and may become one's undoing. I would rather not be turned to a pillar of salt, and I would rather not focus on all my yesterdays because there is no changing them. I can stare in that rear view mirror of my life for the rest of my days, analyze it all till I breathe my last breath, and what will it do? Nothing.

Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is yet to come. Living in the present moment and focusing on what we have and are and do- right now. Putting the past behind is not dishonoring the lessons, wisdom or experience it has brought with it. Simply allowing one's focus to remain in the "here and now" and to gently push away the yearning to analyze or attempt to make sense of things that are long gone.

Giving memories too much significance, especially losses, mistakes or things that were out of our control, is discouraging, destructive and pointless. None of it can be altered or restored. I must leave it where it is- in my history, in my memories, in the past. I am a work in progress and this is one of my greatest struggles... letting go. It is scary to let go, but it is scarier to clutch on to things, people, and even memories that prevent us from moving to tomorrow.

Time is on my side

The Rolling Stones seemed to think so, but in reality is time really on our side? I suppose that depends on the person. Time seems to be on the side of some people more than others. And there are those people who tend to have a running battle with time. Time Management is a HUGE industry and topic.

The quest to manage time effectively and get the most out of the meager 24 hours we get each day. Subtracting the time we spend on sleep cuts us back to about 16 hours a day. Subtract again for the time we spend earning a living and then more time it takes to get to and from our workplace, we are down to a mere 6 hours. That doesn't seem like something that is "on my side" anymore.

Thankfully, I live very close to my job. I feel very sorry and am baffled by how those whose commute is more than 1 hour a day can bear it. I simply don't have the patience, stamina or will to spend my precious time sitting in traffic that could take an enormous bite out of my precious "free" time. But that's another topic for another day. I could rant on that for hours.

One thing that is absolutely guaranteed to set me off is lateness or lack of attention to time. Punctuality and time consciousness is a trait I admire as much as any virtue. Very few situations rankle me more than being made to wait,  or even worse, being in a meeting that goes longer than originally scheduled.

The assumption is that my time, and that of the other people in the meeting, is not important enough to be considered. Yeah, let's start the meeting 15 minutes late or let's go 30 minutes long. What's the big deal? No big whoop, right? WRONG! Sadly, in the workplace, you have to endure it because it is usually a supervisor who is the master of your time. BUT when a co-worker or peer does this, it isn't just rude, it's very unprofessional. It is enough to make me seethe. Especially when the person feigns sorrow or gives shabby apologies and then goes on to imply that they had some valid reason for their lack of attention to time management. Grrrrr!

Tempus Fugit is the Latin saying they put on the face of Grandfather clocks. As a child, I always loved seeing the little saying and wondered what it meant. TIME FLIES. And how powerful and true those two little words are. It really does most of the time, although not when you are in training or a painfully boring meeting. OR in traffic. But when you are doing something you love or sleeping, it surely does fly by.

I remember years ago seeing the book, "Time flies when you're alive" by Paul Linke, and how clever and deep that title was. And now, as I am approaching my 50th year of life, I am stunned to realize how fast it does fly by. All those clichés about time are still in use because they ring very true.

All in due time

Better late than never

In the nick of time

Marking time

A stitch in time saves nine

There’s no time like the present

Time after time

Time flies when you are having fun

Time heals all wounds

Time is running out

Time on your hands

The times, they are a changing

So, if time is an unrenewable resource and such a valuable thing in life, why is it so hard to keep track of it? Hey, remember, we only have an allotted amount of it and wasting it is really a bad thing! I am all for wasting time having fun, relaxing by a pool or beach or even just watching some cheesy episodes of the "Millionaire Matchmaker", but I don't want to waste my time waiting for someone else to get the get their time squared away. 

I get philosophical about it. Why is it so hard to consciously attempt to be mindful and not waste the most precious resource there is in life? I can only sumise that it doesn't come as naturally to some as it does for others. It must be harder to manage or keep a handle on for some people. Perhaps they don't see the value.

To me, it seems that one of the greatest luxuries is to be able to afford to waste time. You can't buy more of it! Once those 24 hours are gone in a day, they are gone. That's it. And think how many people could really use a spare five or six hours a day. Those who have to work two jobs or go to school or balance work and kids?

Balancing work and home life is one of the hottest topics in magazines, newspapers and books. I think more people need to really think about what they spend their time on and how maybe, just maybe, if they put it into perspective and made an effort to treat their own time, and that of others, with more value they would probably find better ways to manage it.

It is so ironic to me that really frugal people, who can't bear to waste a cent more than they have to, are often completely frivolous when it comes to wasting time. Hey, get a clue- time is money. Anyone worth their salt who manages a budget knows that. But putting it into practice seems to be an impossible feat for so many people. They are always running behind, late for meetings, late for doctor's appointments, even late for work.

Being overly optimistic is a fatal flaw where time is concerned. I think we should start teaching kids, from a very young age, that timeliness is as important as any of the other values they are taught. Good manners, clean hands and proper grammar are fundamentals for any young child, but what about the value of time management? Why isn't it valued more? Is it because it requires a kind of discipline and forethought that is becoming less important in our hustle bustle age? I just don't get it.

My Myers-Briggs personality type is ENFJ. The "J" is what keeps me conscious of time. I am speechless when people walk into a meeting 20 minutes late like it is nothing. I mean it still really gets to me. I don't get used to it. I try really hard not to be a judgmental person but I confess that I DO judge people who can't manage their time. It makes me think they are careless or thoughtless or unreliable. It makes me anxious. If they can't manage their own time, how am I supposed to let them manage mine?

Maybe it is an obsessive-compulsive trait, I don't know, but I take it very seriously. We all have our little "buttons" and that is one of my big ones. I have learned not to take it personally, but I am not to the point where it doesn't push those buttons. I am a work in progress and that is one of the things I still have to "live and let live" about.

Good, bad or indifferent- those are my thoughts and views on the topic of time. I am sure in the course of this blog, it will arise again. Time is a favorite subject of mine and I have lots to say about it. I would love to hear what others have to say about it too.