2015 Reflections: I've come a long way!

In thinking about the new year, and everything that is going on in my life right now, I honestly can't believe how far I have come in the last 5 years.

2010 was a HUGE turning point in my life, for many reasons, on many levels.I have learned some really tough, often heartbreaking lessons along the way, but I feel wiser, stronger, better, and more together than any time in my life. Things that used to really upset me, hurt me, and give me heartache no longer matter one iota. THAT is freedom and emotional liberation! 

I can honestly say I am really proud of what I have accomplished in all aspects of my life- what I have learned and the progress I have made. Often I felt discouraged, and it has been very hard work, but I am seeing so many fruits of my labors at this time. It feels REALLY good to be in this place right now. I am so indebted and thankful to all who helped me get here. (THEY know who they are!!!) I am even thankful for those "challenging" individuals who made my life difficult and who hurt me, BECAUSE I overcame and triumphed, IN SPITE OF THEM!

For those who get discouraged and feel like things will never improve/change, BELIEVE ME- they can! Persevere, stay true to yourself, work hard, and ASK FOR HELP! It may not turn out EXACTLY how you once hoped, but you may be pleasantly surprised that it turned out great in spite of what you had initially hoped for! Stay open to changes, DO YOUR HOMEWORK, take chances, and believe in yourself!

Peace in 2015! 

The company we keep: The impact of people and things we surround ourselves with

Wilfred Peterson said it best- “Walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground. Let their spirit ignite a fire within you to leave this world better than when you found it...”

In case you hadn’t noticed, time is a precious and fleeting thing. There are only so many days left in our lives, and wasting them on people or pursuits that bring nothing positive to our lives is the ultimate waste of time and energy.

Every day you hear cynical lamentations on how unfair the world is, and I won’t argue that it isn’t.  The Serenity Prayer is brilliant because it reminds us that certain things can be changed, but others cannot. Having the wisdom to know the difference is what gives us the serenity needed to go on. One of the most critical changes a person may need to make is who they choose to spend their precious time with.

Consider “who, what, and where” we are spending our precious days and nights. I firmly believe the people we surround ourselves with, the places we go, and the things we do, define who we are. For better, or for worse. As Peterson so poignantly said in his quote, walking with people who enrich and uplift us makes it possible for us to leave this world a better place. If we surround ourselves with people or pursuits that bring us down, or stuck in one place, what hope can we have to bring ourselves, or anyone else, up?

If anyone believes people won’t be judged by their friends and associates, they are in for a huge shock. People will always assume you are like-minded if you spend your time with negative, hateful, narrow-minded people. And why shouldn’t they? If all your associates are people who love sports, of course it makes sense to believe that you love sports too. And while it is an assumption, it is one that is based on strong and conclusive evidence. 

To that point, if you are a person who associates with scholars, academics, students, and learned people, it is a very strong indication that you are also an intelligent person who values learning and knowledge. Consider people who are in groups that adhere to certain codes and ethics, like the U.S.military, The Boy Scouts of America, or Doctors without Borders. Then consider people who are in groups that espouse anti-social values- gangs and organized crime. Those are extreme examples, but there are other groups and organizations that will cause people to judge and make conclusions on a person’s choices and values. It is important to understand how those choices can impact success and image. 

Most people will have diverse friends and groups in their lives. Fortunate people will have a wide and eclectic blend of associates who meet the different needs for a variety of interests. I believe the most successful people surround themselves with people who bring a positive outlook, useful solutions, and thoughtful opinions to the table. Choosing to only spend time with people who aren’t as smart, or motivated, or funny as we are may make us feel good about ourselves, but they aren’t challenging us to be better.

A fragile ego, or a lazy attitude may make us feel safe and in control when we choose friends who aren’t as successful as we are. We really don’t improve unless we reach higher and increase expectations of ourselves, and our associates. Nothing is as sad and boring as a group of people who have known each other for years, and are STILL talking about the same people, things, and events they’ve been talking about for the past 10-20 years!

Surrounding oneself with mindless sycophants is missing a great opportunity for growth and introspection. The best and most helpful friend is one who will tell you when you have stepped beyond reason, and ground you in reality. The best friend is one who praises in public and criticizes in private. 

Young people often fail to understand how important it is to surround themselves with friends and mentors who challenge their views and give them pause to reflect. Immature individuals lack the ability to see themselves as they truly are, and work to improve and grow.

Spending energy on and maintaining relationships with, people who bring us down- both morally and intellectually- is perhaps the greatest reason for failure. If a person limits their sphere of interaction based on their self-image and ideal, they are cheating themselves of true wisdom. 

Learning from mistakes can be the best way to really understand life. But, making the same mistakes over and over again is the surest way to lose hope for lasting success. Time is the limiting factor. If you spend your time learning the same lessons again and again, you have lost valuable time to learn new lessons. The same is true with the people we surround ourselves with. Do they only bring problems to the relationship? Are they reciprocal in their duties as friend or co-worker? Are they truly beneficial to our wellness? How do they help us improve, or are they an impediment to our own growth or success? These are questions to ask and determine. Far too many people are brought down by people in their lives who wallow in ignorance, arrogance, a lack of integrity.

I have learned the hard way, so I can say with assurance, if you surround yourself with people who lack integrity, honesty, or kindness it will reflect on you and inevitably influence your behavior and choices. Sometimes, the only way to have a better life is to remove those people, or activities, that are bringing you down.

It can be painful, lonely, and sad to lose people who have been a part of one’s life for years. Growth means leaving behind things that no longer fit us. True maturity means being able to honestly assess the value of relationships and habits. It hurts to grow and change.

Surround yourself with people who inspire and uplift. No one is perfect, and perfection is hardly a reasonable measure to aspire to. I have learned important lessons from some very bad people, but the greatest lessons of my life were learned from good, decent, caring, and intelligent people who gave me knowledge and a thirst for more! Don’t cheat yourself out of success by refusing to uplift yourself and surround your life with people who challenge and inspire you to do bigger and better!

Breaking up with my uterus: Hysterectomy here I come

I know that is an attention grabbing header for a blog post but really, what’s the point in being coy? I promise this won’t be overly graphic or inappropriate, though some might argue that even bringing up the topic is wholly inappropriate. Honestly, it is a major milestone in my life and important enough to be recognized.

                                                             Yes, this is a cake!

Next week I am having a hysterectomy. After years of pain and other obnoxious health issues, my doctors have advised me to consider parting ways with my uterus. It seems the benefits of “staying together” are outweighed by the ongoing health issues it is causing me. 

May years ago, women weren’t empowered enough to discuss “female problems” in mixed company. But let’s face it- it’s 2013 and commercials for drugs to treat male erectile dysfunction and prostrate problems are commonplace. So why not talk about a procedure which a huge percentage of women have each year? It’s nothing to be ashamed of or feel uncomfortable about. It is a procedure which saves women’s lives and gives many of them a new lease on life. I am fortunate not to be having a hysterectomy due to cancer. I’ve been putting it off for many years but now the time has come for a change.

I am not going to get into all the medical jargon or the particulars of the surgery. You can look it up on the internet if you really feel compelled to know. I will only speak to my feelings and thoughts on entering a new uterus-free chapter of my life and the mixed emotions that accompany it. 

First and foremost, I would like to thank my uterus for being instrumental in giving me my three wonderful children. I will be forever grateful to my uterus for accepting and nurturing my embryonic children and giving them the opportunity to grow to full term.

                                         The three fruits of my womb

Unfortunately, besides reproductive function, my uterus has been a handful. So we have to break up. It’s time. I have waited patiently, and tried everything I could think of to make it work between us, but nothing has been successful. It’s for the best. Our time has passed, and I just don’t need you anymore. No hard feelings, nothing personal. It’s just the way it has to be.

The other day I was talking to my physician about the procedure and I have to confess, I got a little choked up. That may sound a little hormonal, so I will try to explain what was going through my head at the time.  

My uterus and I began our real partnership 33 years ago, when I had my first child at the age of 17. Many people don’t know that fact about me, and I am certainly not ashamed of it. So you see, I first began my relationship with my uterus when I was pregnant with my first son. I have three children and all of them were delivered by doctors in the same practice, the one I have been going to for the past 33 years. At the time my last child was delivered, there were three male doctors and one female doctor. All three of my children were delivered by the male doctors, which was not planned but just the luck of the draw. Guess who will be performing my hysterectomy? The female doctor. She will be the one who will close out the chapter of my reproductive life. The circle will be complete. The other three doctors delivered my precious children, and the final doctor is the one who will be delivering me from my ongoing issues with my uterus.

                                                            Me, with my uterus, at 17

I hope it doesn’t seem flippant or disrespectful to break up with my uterus, and for that matter, to write about the break up. It has been a long time coming. I honor the time we’ve shared- our ups and downs, and good times and bad. Just like any other relationship that has ceased to be beneficial or productive, our time has come to part.

Farewell, dear uterus. I can’t say I will miss you, but I honor you and the fruits you have given me. I am looking forward to life without you and the start of a new and exciting chapter of my life. 

Honor Flight: Spending a day with the Greatest Generation changed my life

2010 was not my best year.  I was going through tough times in my personal life and uncertainty in my job. When a friend called me and asked me if I wanted to be a volunteer for an Honor Flight in September, I was thrilled to have an opportunity to do something that would take my mind off my own worries and give me a chance to experience something quite special. There was no way I could begin to know how special that day would be and how it would truly touch my life.

If you don’t know what Honor Flight is all about, I strongly suggest you look into it and sign up for one. Time is running out. There aren’t many left from the Greatest Generation, and every year their numbers dwindle further. 

As I am thinking back on that day, I realize that I am not going to be able to do it justice with this one blog post. There is simply too much to capture. But there is a reason I am writing this now, almost three years later.  Recently, I found out that the man I spent that beautiful day with, recently passed away and I want to honor him once more.

My friend picked me up very early that morning and we headed out to Dulles to meet the “old guys” we would be assigned to escort that day. 

                                                        Waiting to greet the WWII veterans and be paired up. 

My friend had already volunteered at a few times and she explained the whole procedure and what to expect. Depending on the health of my designated veteran, I should expect to have to speak loudly, walk slowly, and patiently listen to war stories. No problem!  I was up for it and prepared for the worst. If my assigned veteran is in a wheel chair, I can push him all day long. I was just grateful to have the chance to interact and connect with one of these men. Little did I know that the man I would spend the day with was like no 89 year old I would have imagined. 

                                 They landed! Getting ready to greet them inside the terminal.

Robert B. Kalnitz. That’s the name I had on my piece of paper. He arrived with his group from Chicago. He was one of the last ones to disembark the plane. They allow the less mobile veterans off the plane first- those in wheel chairs and walkers. But Robert, or Bob as he asked me to call him, stood tall and capable.  

                                       Robert Kalnitz taking my photo as I took his. 

As he walked toward me, I got a deep sense of slight shyness and could see he felt a little uncomfortable with all the attention that was being given to the group. I would come to learn that he was a modest, humble, sensitive man who was deeply grateful for the opportunity to come to Washington, D.C. to see the World War II monument with his fellow Greatest Generation. Bob also was moved by the idea that all the volunteers had, in his words, “taken the day off from work and using their vacation time” to spend with strangers who had fought a war before many of them had even been born.

So we were given a chance to spend time together on the bus from Dulles to D.C. and Bob was so bright and sharp that I soon began to realize that he was unlike most of the others in the group. I asked him the usual “get to know you” questions about his life since the war, what he did in the service, and his family. He answered and engaged me about my life and experiences too. It was delightful and I wasn’t bored for a minute. We had really hit it off, and I felt so fortunate and blessed to have really hit the jackpot by being given this gentleman to spend the day with. 

                                                              Friends already! Enjoying our time at the WWII Memorial   

As I write these words, tears well up as I remember the sweetness of that day. It was perfection from start to finish. The weather in D.C. was simply amazing. Blue skies and lovely sunshine, with a light breeze. Once we got to the monument, we walked around and I took photos. Bob had a camera too and he took snaps of his state monument- Illinois. Seeing all of those old veterans, I couldn’t help but imagine them in their youth and what they had been through during the war. It was especially poignant, and a bit ironic, that Bob had been a flyer who flew missions from England to Germany. I shared with him that my mother had been there, a small child, living in Köln, Germany.

Perhaps Bob had flown over her town. You might imagine that fact may have been something that put some awkwardness between us, but it didn’t in the least. 

                                    Bob showing pride for his home state of Illinois.

There are no accidents. I could have easily been paired with a veteran of the South Pacific or France, but the universe has an interesting way of  teaching us lessons and in those difficult days of 2010, I needed to feel like life had a deeper meaning and that this experience was a gift I had been looking for. 

So we spent that beautiful day together, enjoying an outdoor lunch and talking for hours. We saw the sights and walked the steps of Mr. Lincoln’s memorial. Not all the veterans were able, but Bob was so strong and in such great shape, he was able to keep up very well. As the day wound down, we headed back to Dulles on the bus, and it started to get dark. I shared some of my personal woes with Bob, who was kind and thoughtful with his advice. 

He talked about his marriage and his daughters and grandchildren. That day we shared truly wonderful conversations and we really bonded.

Bob even mentioned me when he spoke to his wife, Shirlie, on the telephone. I felt special and appreciated. How did Bob know how much I needed that feeling? He just did; that’s the kind of man Bob Kalnitz was. 

When it was getting close to the time to say goodbye, I started to get a really big knot in my stomach. I didn’t want to cry, but I had a feeling I was going to do just that. So when they called the veterans to line up to board their plane, Bob and I exchanged contact information and we hugged goodbye. And we both had tears in our eyes. Just like I do right now remembering it. 

We are very fortunate to have things like Facebook and email to keep us connected. Imagine how thrilled I was a few weeks later to receive an email from Bob’s daughter, Leah.

Hi Diana,
I wanted to thank you for your kindness and sensitive attention to my Dad, Bob Kalnitz, during his time in Washington Tuesday. He got off the plane raving about you nonstop. His conversations with you and your interest in and sharing with him were more of an honor to him than the WWII Memorial. He was amazed that you would take a vacation day to spend with an elderly veteran. We are so touched by the generosity of spirit (not to mention time and thought) of all the Honor Flight volunteers. You made a great day even more special, and our family can't thank you enough. 
All the best,
Leah

So Leah and I would touch base from time to time.  I wrote to wish Bob a happy birthday when he turned 90. Life took off for me and I was distracted by my own issues, family, health concerns, and relationship. I changed jobs, got married, and just did all the things we do in our day to day lives. 

I thought of that day, and Bob, often. I encouraged my family and friends to sign up for Honor Flight and I told my mother about the day I spent with the lovely, kind, intelligent, Jewish man from Chicago; who just happened to be an Air Force pilot who flew a bomber over Germany during the war. She also appreciated the rich coincidence and how interesting it was for me to share a day with someone who had lived through a dangerous experience and time. She said I was fortunate to have had such a chance to hear firsthand what that must have been like. And I knew I was.

A few weeks ago, I got an email from Leah. It may seem hard to believe, but her words brought me to tears that would resurface many times since. This is what she wrote:

Dear Diana,

It has been a long time since I've written to you, but it is not because I don't think of you often. I especially have been thinking of you every day recently and every day put off writing this particular e-mail.

I am very, very sad to tell you that my dad passed away on January 15th. He got the flu towards the end of December and then developed pneumonia and was hospitalized. It was a rampant infection and the doctors couldn't get rid of it and Dad couldn't fight it off. Despite the fact that he was 91.5 years old and we knew we wouldn't have him forever, we simply were not prepared to part with him quite yet. He was engaged, vital, independent, and wonderful--not at all like a man of his years. We all thought he was going to conquer the illness--and he especially did. 

I sit at my Dad's small writing desk just about every day, going through paperwork and helping my Mom. A note in his handwriting with your name and contact information is right there on the desk, sometimes covered in piles of bills and letters. It is a testament to the special place you had in my dad's heart and the impact you had on him that your name and address remained on his desk where he would always see it. I am so grateful for the day you shared together, and I want you to know how meaningful it was to him and to us.

I hope the New Year has begun well for you and that life will be very good to you always.

Sending warm hugs,

Leah

I wrote her back and let her know that I was so deeply and sincerely sorry to hear that Bob had died and how I understood the depth of their loss. You might think it presumptuous of me to think that I knew someone I had only known for a single day, but I believe I got to know the very best of him in those hours and I fully understood what his family meant to him, and what he meant to them. I have no doubt in my mind that his spirit will always be with them, as I feel it is still with me. Certain people in this world have that gift and Bob Kalnitz had it more than most. He was the most decent and righteous kind of man, who had the perfect combination of strength and tenderness, self-dignity and respect for others, and most of all, gratitude and humility for his blessings large and small.

If you ever find yourself losing faith in life or humanity, as I had in 2010, I hope you have the opportunity to reach outside of yourself and do something for someone else. In doing so, you may find- as I did, that in the end you will receive a lesson, a gift, an opportunity that changes you and your perspective on life. 

I challenge you to go out and find that person, or thing, that restores your faith in humanity and lets you see firsthand that good people, really, really, good people, exist and are among us. We just have to open our hearts and minds and invite them in. I did such a thing in September of 2010, and now I am one of the fortunate ones who can say that their life was deeply and profoundly changed by the most unlikely of people, in a completely random encounter.

Many, loving thanks to Bob Kalnitz for the wisdom and advice, and example, he gave me that day. I feel the bond and connection to him even now. I’ll never forget him and I honored to have had the chance to meet him and share a day with him. And thanks to Leah and Bob’s family for allowing me to share this remembrance with all of you.

Robert B. Kalnitz

In his daughter Leah’s own words:

Dad was a First Lieutenant in the Air Force, 305th Bomb Group. He was a B-17 pilot, and his plane was a Triangle G. He was an instructor in Ft. Myers for a year and then was sent to England, stationed at a base about an hour outside London, in Feb. 1945. He flew missions over Germany and perhaps other countries. After the war, he was kept overseas to help photograph Europe to create a map--and also to survey damage, I believe (can check on that). His love of planes preceded his service--he was determined to be a pilot--and continued until his death. Our childhood and even adulthood included going to air shows with him. His grandchildren went, too. He wore his Air Force ring proudly every day.

He and my mom (Shirlie) were married in Columbus, Ohio on Feb. 20, 1944. Next week would have been their 69th anniversary. When they got married, he hadn't yet received his orders and didn't know if he was shipping out overseas. But they heard either that day or right after that he was being sent to Ft. Myers to be an instructor, so Mom went with him and they were there together for a year. I think he left the U.S. right around their anniversary and came home a year later, right around their anniversary.

I have some good news and I have some bad news: Isn’t that always the case?

Today as I was making my way to the open maw known as metro, I overheard someone utter a sentence that rose above all the other background noise. He spoke into his cell phone and proclaimed, “I have some good news, and I have some bad news.”  At that point I was passing by and I would have had to very obviously stop dead in my tracks to have heard what the good and bad news was.

I tried to read my book for the three stops I have to get to Gallery Place-Chinatown stop, but my mind kept wandering back to my earlier encounter, and it made me think. Now for those who are unaware of my ongoing saga and trials and tribulations with the D.C. public transportation system- metro is a great challenge in my life.

This morning, right after I heard the immortal phrase in question, I was walking down to get to the train platform and I saw people actually jarring the doors to the train open, super hero-style, attempting to SQUEEEZE in.  Not only is this incredibly stupid and ill advised, it is infuriating because IF some imbecile breaks the doors and they can’t close, EVERYONE has to off board the train and wait for the next one. So, if a person is stupid enough to risk life and limb- literally, in order to get on a train, which is probably taking them to their crappy job downtown anyway, by all means- be my guest. Except for the fact that it is going to screw up the commute of about a thousand other people, including me.

But I digress.

Back to the original point of this post, the question of good and bad news. Mind you, I arrive at the Pentagon Metro station via the Bus of the Damned, around 7:15 a.m., and that is not my best hour of the day to be fully awake and aware, but that sentence struck me like an electrical charge and woke me from my sleepy apathy.

Isn’t it funny (not “ha ha” funny) how good and bad things are usually intermingled? If you really open your mind and think about it, almost everything or event has a good and bad component.

For example:

Getting married:  The good news- Yay for the happy couple! Marriages are a joyous event and it makes everyone feel warm and fuzzy about love and commitment and happy moments.

The bad news- The expense, the family and friend drama, the stress and pressure on everyone involved can be a serious drain and emotional thermo nuclear catastrophe.

A great new job:  The good news- CONGRATULATIONS! Thrilled you are out of that old and unsatisfying job where you weren’t appreciated, the pay was lousy, and your co-workers made you want to run screaming from the building.  That’s all behind you now!

The bad news- Wait six months.

A brand new home: The good news- You’ve finally gotten your brand new dream home! You’ve been waiting for this your whole life. It has everything you’ve always wanted and now you can enjoy the beautiful surroundings and reeeee-lax!

The bad news- Now you have to really worry about what will happen if you lose that fabulous new job and pay for it all.

And you see where I am going with this. The secret of happiness, serenity, peace of mind, whatever is balancing out the good and bad news. The sad fact is that too many people only see the good, or the bad, to their own detriment.

Balance is one of those maligned and distained concepts. My husband gives me endless grief about my endless preaching the Gospel of Balance, but in reality it is the best one can hope for in a world full of extremes. (More of the Gospel of Balance later.)

The ridiculous and maddening world of the arrogant asshat: Learning to deal with difficult people

                                                                   " It's all about me!"

Lately I have the distinct feeling that there has been an arrogant asshat population explosion! They are all around us- in real life, on television, in cyberspace, and our own families. One thing is sure, if you have to deal with an arrogant asshat, your quality of life can be greatly altered. BUT the good news is, it doesn’t have to be.

“The need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind.” -  Albert Camus

 

 

Arrogance goes beyond being assertive, pushy, or even cocky. Arrogance is that over the top expectation a person has which causes them to act as if the world must bend to their opinion, will, and belief about everything, without question or hesitation. Whether the arrogant asshat in your life is male or female, young or old makes no difference. Dealing with that type of individual is truly one of the most unpleasant and frustrating situations in life.

Definition of ARROGANCE

: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions

The older I get, the less patience I have for arrogant asshats. Where do they get off thinking the world is going to bow to them? What causes a person to become so self-absorbed and full of themselves? Is it nature, nurture, or a combination of both? Is there an “asshat gene”?  Science was never my forte, but I suppose there could be arguments for both theories. All I know is that I have the ANTI-asshat gene.

 

“Arrogance on the part of the meritorious is even more offensive to us than the arrogance of those without merit: for merit itself is offensive.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

 

 

I am currently struggling with some WORLD CLASS ARROGANT ASSHATS in my life. I am not about to allow my precious peace of mind and happiness be polluted by the toxic miasma they give off.

Life is too short to waste a minute of it fretting and obsessing over the attitudes and actions of others. Heaven knows I, and most everyone, have far better uses for my time and energy. My suggestion, and advice, for dealing with arrogant asshats is as follows:

1. IGNORE as best you can.

2. If ignoring fails, minimize contact, reactions, attention- because they do LOVE the attention.

3. Realize that most arrogant asshats are truly bitter, sad, miserable, lost souls. I am not saying you have to feel sorry for them, just know that is what usually fuels their arrogance.

4. NEVER let them see you sweat.

5. Living well is always the best revenge. Your happiness is the antidote to their power. If you let their arrogance and superior attitude beat you down- THEY WIN.

6. NEVER let an arrogant asshat win. EVER!

7. Pick your battles with arrogant asshats. They love to fight, don’t engage.

8. If you have to “fight”, don’t give up the moral high ground. Arrogant asshats love to drag others into their cesspool. It makes them feel righteous.

9. If you happen to be related to an arrogant asshat, do the best you can. We can’t pick our families, so it is important to develop great powers of detachment and a sense of humor.

10. LAUGH at them. Laughter can really help deflect their ridiculous pomposity and sense of entitlement. After all, it is truly absurd to be a spoiled three year old in the body of an adult.

 

 

A very good article on the topic was featured in the Washington Post in 2011, called “The fine line between confidence and arrogance”.  Written by someone far smarter and more eloquent that I, I have highlighted the best advice from the piece:

If you find that you are guilty of some the behaviors above, rethink your approach and keep your ego in check:

• Instead of bragging about your personal achievements, find a way to spotlight someone else’s work. Consider talking up team triumphs.

• During interviews or when interacting with a recruiter, be careful not to interrupt and listen carefully to the questions asked before responding.

• Transform your arrogance into self-confidence by showing vulnerability — be willing to share past mistakes, limitations and fears.

• Be humble.

• Have the courage to discuss opposing ideas without being judgmental.

• Seek out learning partners and trusted colleagues and ask them for honest feedback. Where do they perceive you along the confidence-arrogance continuum? If they say that you come across as haughty at times, learn which behaviors give this impression.

• Finally, understand how confidence is expressed in the culture in which you’re working (modesty is valued in many Asian cultures, so you’ll want to tone it down a bit when interacting with Japanese employers and colleagues).