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Sunday, October 23, 2011

Letting go doesn't mean giving up

Lately I have been focused on the concept of what it really means to let go of people and things in my life.
The other day, I had a profound thought as I was reflecting on people who have dropped out of my life and those who have chosen, for whatever reason, to cut off our relationship. At first, it made me feel angry and a little hurt, but then I had the realization that there is really nothing to be hurt or offended by if a person chooses not to be a part of your life. In fact, they are doing you a favor.
Why would anyone want someone to feel obligated to be in their life? If a person doesn't JOYOUSLY and enthusiastically embrace the friendship or connection, why hang on to it and suffer? LET THEM GO! And let them go with acceptance and peace.
In regard to relationships with others, there is simply no point in trying to "win" someone over or convince them to see your value. If your worth as a person is not seen by another, there is little reason or incentive to have that person in your life. What's the point if their heart is not in it?
We are conditioned to feel fear and hurt when others "reject us". But we must accept that it is healthy and productive to understand that people are different and have conflicting opinions which can impede the ability to form attachments or sustain a relationship. Sometime people simply grow apart; sometimes they have different values, interests or lifestyles. And sometimes, there are obstacles that prevent a connection or bond from forming or continuing.
When relationships and connections end, there is more room for better people and things in our lives. Time is short and filling it with individuals or relationships that are hollow, insincere or without real value is wasteful and useless. It doesn't bring anything to either person's life.
There are circumstances and cases when letting go of emotionally harmful or unavailable relationships or people is the only choice and course of action we can take.
But there are times and circumstances when letting go of relationships or people in our lives is really just a poor excuse for giving up because it involves people we are responsible for, or those who rely on us. Letting go of primary relationships (family), spouses, or lifelong friends due to selfishness, thoughtlessness, pettiness and immaturity is quitting and a breach of trust and respect. Letting go has nothing to do with breaking commitments.
Healthy "letting go" is a process which involves a deep and honest assessment of the situation and a personal inventory of the reasons why someone or something should be cut from your life. Once that process has been thoughtfully and reasonably completed, and it still makes sense to let go of the person or relationship from your life, there should be a feeling of peace and detachment. Letting go should bring value, harmony and respect to your life and it is a healthy and worthy act.
Letting go is a way to say goodbye without resentment, bitterness or anger. Releasing those toxic feelings and emotions, and working toward new and better relationships and people, is one of the cornerstones to a more fulfilling and serene life.

 “Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.”  - Unknown



  1. EXCELLENT. I love this blog post. Thank you for it, Diana. xo

  2. This is so true, if only everyone who is hurting from a break up or loss could just let go...their would be more HAPPY people!!

  3. Nice post Diana.

    In my opinion, when I react to rejection with hurt instead of releasing and moving on it is a neon sign pointing to an area of my Self-image where I need healing. If I am whole and complete, your rejection can not possibly be felt by me as hurtful. From this healthy perspective I simply love you, recognizing your own brokenness, and empathize by sending you loving healing and forgiveness.

    If, however, I find myself wounded by your rejection, it is actually a blessing, an insight into an area where I am dealing with an unhealed aspect of my history. The quickest way I have found of turning this around is to thank you, love you, and get to work identifying my wounded image and taking the appropriate actions to heal the areas of my life where I do not love and accept myself fully.

    All of my reactions to life are about me, they are never about that which I am reacting to. If I long for something that seems to be out of reach, it is my longing that creates my sense of loss or lack, never the actual event.

    Through this understanding, everyone and everything in my world becomes my teacher when I am healthy and perceiving reality correctly.

    Thanks for your wise post. Letting go is always the fasted route to healing. Using that, which needs to be released, as a guide to where healing is needed turns the event into a gift!


  4. Thank you all for the insightful and kind comments. I appreciate the comments and thoughts.

  5. Love your post Diana ! It'so true and also so well written !
    You are so good at expressing feelings we all share one day or another... And it's always good to know we are not the only ones in the world to feel upset about friendship or relationship getting loose.
    My Mom, whom I miss dearly, used to repeat this French saying : "celui qui n'est plus ton ami ne l'a jamais été" (the one who is no longer your friend has never been your friend before). The kind of saying I have always remembered in painful moments. It helped.
    Thanks again for your great post and your great blog ! I love it !

  6. Anne, what a beautiful saying from your mom and so true! Thank you for your lovely comments.

    Thanks to ALL for the support, comments and encouragement for my writing. I am humbled and touched. Bless you all and keep reading and helping me improve. D

  7. There's an old saying, "You can't push on a rope."
    Meaning that somebody has to pick up the other end and pull.
    I have an estranged son and daughter. I've contacted them. They won't answer... and I know
    that I haven't been nasty to them.
    They hear their mother's voice instead.
    C'est la vie.